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At a recent Computer Expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the auto industry and stated "If GM had kept up
with technology like the computer industry has, we would be driving
twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release
stating:

If GM had developed technology like Mircrosoft, we would all be driving
cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to
buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and
you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause
your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would
have to re-install the engine.
5. more...

Prelude:
Here it is! The REAL Windows FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions) Version 4. 2e! The authors are still searching for more Windows/Microsoft/Bill Gates related experiences, short stories, origins and other jokes. Please send them to the support site mentioned at the end of this document.

01. Novice-Question: How do I recognize Windows?
If your screen is invaded by countless silly little icons no one is able to understand, if your computers speed is reduced to almost zero, if your hard disk is full, if you can't start your normal programs anymore, then indeed you have made the fatal mistake of acquiring Microsoft Windows!
02. Virgin-Questions: What exactly is Windows? Why do I need Windows?
Windows is a form of modern warfare. It's yet another attempt of the electronics industry to rape and destroy the minds of its unsuspecting victims. And of course you don't need Windows. It needs you. Bill Gates needs you to buy it to get even more rich and more...

1. Only in America...... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America...... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America...... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America...... do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.

5. Only in America...... do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America...... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America...... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America...... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and more...

Trying to make up for bad behavior, Bill Clinton went to the shopping mall to buy Hillary a gift. "I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife," he says eyeing the attractive salesgirl, "but I don't know her size." "Will this help?" she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his. "Oh, yes," he answered. "Her hands are just slightly smaller than yours." "Will there be anything else?" the salesgirl inquired, as she wrapped the gloves. "Now that you mention it," Bill replied, "she also needs a bra and panties."

This guy wanted a parrot who talked. He asked the pet store manager if there was a bird who was already speaking. The manager directed the guy to a bird by the window. "This bird has a vocabulary of 1000 words and another 50 phrases that would fit most occasions."
The guy bought the bird and took it home.
Next day, the guy was back in the petstore to complain. The bird hadn't said a word.
The pet store manager said, "That's not unusual. Why not buy a few of the toys the bird had been used to playing with while here and put it in his cage. That should get him more comfortable with his surroundings and loosen him up." The man paid for the toys and took them home to the bird.
Two days later the guy showed back up. "Still not talking, huh?" asked the manager. "Well, perhaps a birdbath would do the trick." The credit card was whipped out, the purchase made, and the guy was back home with his new birdbath.
And, like clockwork, more...

Over Heard at church last Sunday....
Told to the congregation buy the minister
This young couple die in a car accident a week before they are to be
married. So on to heaven they go. Once there they explain to St. Peter
that they were going to be married next week and could they still be
married in heaven. St. Peter says "Ok I will look into this and check it
out with God and get back to you" Time passes and finally on day St. Peter calls the couple to his A few months go buy and the couple go
back to St. Peter and ask him again about their request,. St. Peter told
them that it was ok with God that they get married, "But you will have to
wait until I get every thing ready".
Time passes and office and tells them they can be married this afternoon. Elated the
couple asks "What if we are unhappy and want to get a divorce". St.
Peter exclaims "Divorce!! It's taken me a year and a half to find more...

A woman asks her husband to buy her a fur coat for
their 25th anniversary.
"HA," he snorted. " The day I buy you a fur coat will
be the day you can grow hair on your chest!"
On that she hikes up her skirt, drops her panties, and
thrust her pubic area forward. "There! I have hair on my chest, now buy
me a fur coat."
"That's not your chest!" he roars back.
"Damn right it's my chest," she argued. "Before we got
married, this was your hope chest. On our honeymoon it was your treasure
chest. Afterwards it became our family chest. AND IF YOU DON'T BUY ME A FUR
COAT IT WILL SOON BECOME THE COMMUNITY CHEST!"