Camping Jokes / Recent Jokes

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend awake. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Holmes questioned. Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent."

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it.The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat.Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another!"

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip.

After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Why, what does it tell YOU?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke.

"Watson, you idiot. Some jerk has stolen our more...

(Excerpted from an Ann Landers Column)
These are reportedly signs in English collected by Air France employees:
1. From a Tokyo Hotel:
It is forbidden to steal towels. If you are not a person so do such a thing, please do not read this notice.
2. In a Leipzig, Germany elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
3. Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values in at the front desk. If you lose them in your room, we are not responsible.
4. Athens hotel:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 am daily.
5. Yugoslovian hotel:
The flattening of underware with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid..
6. Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the woman who are employeed to clean the rooms.
7. Moscow hotel:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and
writers are buried daily except more...

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it. The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?""I sure more...

there was a blonde brunette and a red head. they all decided to go camping. the blonde needed to shit really bad so she went in the woods. the red head and the brunette thought it would be a funny if they played a joke on her. so they cut open a squirrel and put its guts were the blonde was shitting at. they ran away b4 the blonde saw them. 5 minutes later they here a scream. 10 minutes later the blonde went to the brunette and the red head. the read head said "what happend" the blonde replied " well i shit so hard that i shit my guts out but thank got and these to finget i shoved them back in

Two young men were out in the woods on a camping trip, when the came upon this great trout brook. They stayed there all day, enjoying the fishing, which was super.At the end of the day, knowing that they would be graduating from college soon, they vowed that they would meet, in twenty years, at the same place and renew the experience.Twenty years later, they met and traveled to a spot near where they had been years before. They walked into the woods and before long came upon a brook. One of the men said to the other, "This is the place!".The other replied, "No, it's not!".The first man said, "Yes, I do recognize the clover growing on the bank on the other side.To which the other man replied, "Silly, you can't tell a brook by it's clover."