Canadian Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Canadian, a Scotsman, and an Australian are in a bar discussing the mental abilities of their wives. The Canadian says, "You know my wife must be the most stupid woman in the world. She went to a supermarket sale and bought $900 worth of meat, and we don't even have a freezer! The Scotsman says, "That's nothing! My wife went out last week and bought a brand new $30,000 car, and she can't even drive! Not to be out done, the Aussie says, "My wife is a lot dumber than that! Last week she left for a two week holiday in Paris and I saw her pack 20 condoms! Hell, she doesn't even have a penis!"

A Canadian, a Scotsman, and an Australian are in a bar discussing the mental abilities of their wives. The Canadian says, "You know my wife must be the most stupid woman in the world. She went to a supermarket sale and bought $900 worth of meat, and we don't even have a freezer" The Scotsman says, "That's nothing" My wife went out last week and bought a brand new $30, 000 car, and she can't even drive" Not to be out done, the Aussie says, "My wife is a lot dumber than that" Last week she left for a two week holiday in Paris and I saw her pack 20 condoms" Hell, she doesn't even have a penis!"

Three guys, a Canadian, Osama Bin Laden and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie. The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada." With a blink of the Genie's eye,' POOF' the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming. Osama Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no Americans can come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye,' POOF' there was a huge wall around Afghanistan. "Uncle Sam" (a former civil engineer), asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15, 000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out -- virtually impenetrable." more...

Three guys, a Canadian, Osama bin Laden, and George W. Bush are out walking together one day. They came across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.
"I will give each of you one wish. That's three wishes total," said
the genie.
The Canadian said, "I'm a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."
With a blink of the genie's eye, *POOF* the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews, or Americans can come into our precious state."
Again, with a blink of the genie's eye, *POOF* there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.
George W. Bush, said, "I'm very curious, please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick, and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out - it's virtually more...

President Bill Clinton called Chretien with an emergency: "Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the American President cried. "My people's favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!"
"Bill, da Canadian pipple would be' appy to do anyt'ing wit'in der power to' elp you" replied the Prime Minster. (Yes, he does speak like that)
"I do need your help," said Clinton. "Could you possibly send 1, 000, 000 Condoms ASAP to tie us over?"
"Certainment! I get right on it!" said Chretien.
"Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Clinton.
"Oui?"
"Could the condoms be red, white and blue in colour; at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Clinton.
"No problem" replied the Prime Minister and, with that, Cretien hung up and called the President of Trojan.
"I need a favour, you got to make 1, 000, 000 condoms right away and more...

Here's some sure signs you may be a Canadian...
You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk" You understand, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine." You know what it means to be on 'pogey'. You know that "a mickey" and "2-4's" mean "Party at the cabin, eh!!" You don't hold your hand on your breast when you sing the national anthem. You can drink legally while still a 'teen'. You don't give a hoot about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel to and has good cigars. You're not sure if the leader of our nation has EVER had sex and don't want to know if he has! You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs. You know that Mounties "don't always look like that." You know that Canada is the only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground. You dismiss all beers under 6% alcohol content as "for children and the elderly, and for export to the more...

A Texan goes to Toronto for a vacation.

There he grabs a cab at the airport and says he's on his way to The Royal York Hotel.

The Cabby heads downtown on his way he passes Queens Park,
"What's that" says the Texan

"Oh! That's Queens Park" says the Cabby, "Its our Provincial Government, its like your State Government" Those buildings are almost 200 years old and they are quite big".

Oh! We have buildings much older than that and at least twice as large" says the Texan.

They continue along and past First Canadian Place.
"Holy cow" says the Texan "What's that"?

"Why that's First Canadian Place, its the biggest office complex in the country" says the Cabby " it took almost 4 years to build".

"Really" says the Texan "Why in Houston they have buildings twice that big, and built in less than 1/2 the more...