Canadians Jokes / Recent Jokes

50°F10°CNew Yorkers turn on the heat. Canadians plant gardens.
40°F4°CCalifornians shiver uncontrollably. Canadians sunbathe.
35°F2°CItalian cars won't start. Canadians drive with the windows down.
32°F0°CDistilled water freezes. Canadian water gets thicker.
20°F-7°CFloridians wear coats, gloves & wool hats. Canadians throw on a T-shirt.
15°F-9°CCalifornians begin to evacuate the state. Canadians go swimming.
0°F-18°CNew York landlords finally turn up the heat. Canadians have the last cookout before it gets cold.
-10°F-23°CPeople in Miami cease to exist. Canadians lick flagpoles.
-20°F-29°CCalifornians fly away to Mexico. Canadians throw on a lightweight jacket.
-40°F-40°CHollywood disintegrates. Canadians rent videos.
-60°F-51°CMt. St. Helen's freezes. Canadian Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.
-80°F-62°CPolar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic. Canadian Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" more...

10. Mass invasion from all sides and crush the Canadians with brute force.9. Casually walk through Canada/U.S. border saying you're just going to an Edmonton kegger.8. Take advantage of loose immigration laws and just infest the country with foreigners.7. Brainwash Canucks into thinking they are American using clever media propaganda. Oh wait, that's already happening.6. Just change the maps. I'm sure no one will notice.5. Just buy Canada, taking advantage of outrageous currency exchange rates.4. 30 NRA members with duck rifles should be enough to do it.3. Crush the arrogant Canadians by cutting off their supply of oil, wheat, natural gas, and water.2. Send American brides north, and breed them out over a fifty year period.1. Poison their beer!

60 Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one) 50 Miami residents turn on the heat 40 You can see your breath, Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming 35 Italian cars don't start 32 Water freezes 30 You plan your vacation to Australia 25 Boston water freezes, Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream, Canadians go swimming 20 Politicians begin to talk about the homeless, New York City water freezes, Miami residents plan vacation further South 15 French cars don't start, Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you 10 You need jumper cables to get the car going 5 American cars don't start 0 Alaskans put on T-shirts -10 German cars don't start, Eyes freeze shut when you blink -15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo, Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects, Miami residents cease to exist -20 Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you, Politicians actually do something about the homeless, Minnesotans shovel snow off roof, Japanese more...

Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.
Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.
Americans: Believe that people should look out for and take care of themselves.
Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job.
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Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.
Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.
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Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.
Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels.
Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch 5 channels.
Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.
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Americans: Love to watch sports on the idiot box.
Brits: Love to watch sports in stadiums so more...