Cantor Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three wishes
A Rabbi, a cantor, and a synagogue president were driving to a seminar when they were kidnapped. The highjackers asked the three of them to hand over all of their money and jewellery. When they replied that they hadn`t any, the hijackers told them that immediately after their last wishes were fulfilled, they would be killed.
"My last wish," began the Rabbi, is to give a fascinating, complicated, long sermon that I have always wanted to but never been allowed to give."
"We will grant your wish," the hijackers replied.
"My last wish," said the cantor, "is to sing a beautiful, Yemenite style song, one of my own compositions lasting two hours. I have never been allowed to sing it."
"We`ll let you sing it," replied the hijackers.
"What is your last wish," the hijackers asked the shul president.
"Please, please shoot me now."

A Rabbi, a cantor, and a synagogue president were driving to a seminar when they were kidnapped. The highjackers asked the three of them to hand over all of their money and jewellery. When they replied that they hadn't any, the hijackers told them that immediately after their last wishes were fulfilled, they would be killed. "My last wish," began the Rabbi, is to give a fascinating, complicated, long sermon that I have always wanted to but never been allowed to give." "We will grant your wish," the hijackers replied. "My last wish," said the cantor, "is to sing a beautiful, Yemenite style song, one of my own compositions lasting two hours. I have never been allowed to sing it." "We'll let you sing it," replied the hijackers. "What is your last wish," the hijackers asked the shul president. "Please, please shoot me now."

During Sabbath services the Rabbi kneels and puts his forehead to the floor and says, "Before you oh Lord, I am nothing."
The Cantor looks at him, thinks it couldn't hurt, and kneels, puts his forehead to the floor, and says, "Before you oh Lord, I am nothing."
Ben Shapiro in the fifth row is watching this and thinking that it was a pretty good idea, so he goes in the middle of the aisle, kneels and puts his forehead to the floor and says, "Before you oh Lord, I am nothing."
The Rabbi nudges the Cantor. "Look who thinks he's nothing!"

It is Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the Jewish calendar. As the day draws
to a close, in a small synagogue in Vilna, the rabbi is praying
fervently. "Oh, God," he says, "I am nothing before you!" The cantor
also says, "Oh, God, I am nothing before you!" Then the shammes,(*)
inspired by their piety, cries out, "Oh, God, I am nothing before
you!" The cantor raises his eyebrows, looks at the rabbi, and says,
"Nu, look who thinks he's nothing!"
(*)shammes: beadle, responsible for maintaining the synagogue, ushering, etc.