Car Jokes / Recent Jokes
No one believes seniors. . . everyone thinks they are senile.
They were celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired.
Holding hands they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved "I love you, Sally."
On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money--and it's fifty-thousand dollars.
Andy said, "We've got to give it back."
Sally said, "Finders keepers." She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.
The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knock on the door. "Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag that fell out more...
Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband, John, was Work jokes. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend, Ralph, and she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway. She yelled at Ralph: "Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump outthe window my husband is home early!" Ralph looked out thewindow and said: "I can't jump out the window! It's raininglike hell out there!" Mary cried: "If my husband catches usin here, he will kill both of us!" So the boyfriend grabbedhis clothes and jumped out the window! When he landed outsidehe found himself in the middle of a marathon race... so hestarted running along side the others -- only he was still inthe nude, carrying his clothes on his arm. One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?" Ralph answered, while gasping for air: "Oh yes, It feels sofree having the air blow over your skin while you are running." The other runner then asked the nude man: "Do you more...
Q. Why is three feminists going over a cliff in a sedan car is a shame?
A. Because a sedan has four seats!
A guy driving a Yugo pulled up to a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce.
He rolled down his window and shouted to the driver of the Rolls. "Hey, buddy, that's a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I've got a phone in my Yugo!"
The driver of the Rolls looked over and said snobbishly, "Yes, I have a phone."
The driver of the Yugo said, "Cool! Hey, you also got a fridge in there, too? I've got one in the back seat of my Yugo!"
The driver of the Rolls, much annoyed, says, "Yes, I have a refrigerator."
The driver of the Yugo said, "That's great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there? You know, I got a TV in the back seat of my Yugo!"
The driver of the Rolls, quite irritated by now, replied, "Of course, I have a television. A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!"
The driver of the Yugo said, "Yes, a very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there? more...
How does a Gulti commute office 40 miles away? He walks all the way because he wants to get a good resale value for his car. Why does a Gulti wish for rain? Because he gets a free car wash. How does a Gulti wash clean his cloth and carpet? He stuffs both together into washing machine to save few pennies. Why does computer books in book stores get a Gulti smell? Because those books were returned by a gulti after 30 days free trial.
A day from the diary of a BMW driver...
"The other day I was cruising along as usual coming onto one of my motorways, which was very busy with inferior cars.
First off, I couldn't believe that the volume of traffic DIDN'T slow down for me AT ALL as I came off the slip road! I had to squeeze into a barely big enough gap between two cars in order to get onto my motorway!
The driver of the car behind me did realise his mistake though and honked an apology to me with a long blast of his horn.
Unbelievably, I had to do the same again before I could get to the BMW lane.
Anyway, once I was in the BMW lane and posing along at 110 mph enjoying the adulation that the inferior car drivers were giving me, I noticed an inferior car ahead of me which was not only in the BMW lane of my motorway, but was driving at a ridiculous 70 mph!
Naturally, I got within a foot or so of his rear bumper and flashed my headlights to remind him more...
A foursome was playing golf on a rather sunny day in spring. Fred was having some trouble with his swing but wasn't losing by too much. The group approached the 15th tee which was quite near a road and he watched as his partners teed off before him. Just before he was about to tee off a car came down the road and got a flat tire right near them. The woman in the car was quite striking so the other three men decided that they would help her out. Fred, on the other hand, wanted to tee off his shot first. His shot was beautiful. He was quite upset that his friends hadn't seen it. However, he quickly changed his mind as he saw the ball bounce twice on the green and roll into the cup. Just then a flash appeared at his feet and he looked down to see a small man. "I am the hole-in-one fairy and I will grant you a wish for your effort." Fred looked around to make sure no one saw him. If he was hallucinating he didn't want anyone to see him talking to no one. "Are you serious more...