Carbohydrates Jokes / Recent Jokes

I probably shouldn't admit this to you younger readers, but when my generation was your age, we did some pretty stupid things. I'm talking about taking CRAZY risks. We drank water right from the tap. We used aspirin bottles that you could actually open with your bare hands. We bought appliances that were not festooned with helpful safety warnings such as "DO NOT BATHE WITH THIS TOASTER".
But for sheer insanity, the wildest thing we did was - prepare to be shocked - we deliberately ingested carbohydrates.
I know, I know. It was wrong. But we were young and foolish, and there was a lot of peer pressure. You'd be at a party, and there would be a lava lamp blooping away, and a Jimi Hendrix record playing (a "record" was a primitive compact disc that operated by static electricity). And then, when the mood was right, somebody would say: "You wanna do some 'drates?" And the next thing you know, there'd be a bowl of pretzels going around, or crackers, or more...

Cookies and milk out; eggs, beef, chicken, cheese in

North Pole Santa Claus announced today in his annual pre-holiday
press conference that he has begun the popular Atkins diet, and is
asking for help from families around the globe. Atkins dieters are
allowed to consume large amounts of high-fat foods such as eggs,
beef, and cheese. Carbohydrates, which are found in pasta, breads,
and fruits, and sweets, are not allowed.

Mr. Claus said that he decided to start the diet after he could not
fit into the pants he wore to deliver gifts last year.

"I couldn't bring myself to buy new pants, and I haven't had a good
body image lately. I had to do something, and quick", said Claus.
"Having a belly like a bowl full of jelly is one thing, but being
a complete fat ass is another. I mean, even my jolly little toe
has fat on it." According to inside sources, Mrs. Claus may have
also played a more...