Carolina Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against... get this...fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in "a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion. The man sued...and won! In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the more...
Did you know that Monica Lewinsky is moving to North Carolina?
She doesn't know exactly where she'll live, but it's a toss-up between Blowing Rock and Morehead City.
HOW TO SAY "I LOVE YOU" IN 9 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES:
English... I Love you
Spanish... Te Amo
French... Je T'aime
German... Ich Liebe Dich
Japanese... Ai Shite Imasu
Italian... Ti Amo
Chinese... Wo Ai Ni
Swedish... Jag Alskar
Alabama, Arkansas, North Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Texas,
Mississippi, North Carolina and Kentucky... Nice Tits
HOW TO SAY "I LOVE YOU" IN 9 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES:English... I Love youSpanish... Te AmoFrench... Je T'aimeGerman... Ich Liebe DichJapanese... Ai Shite ImasuItalian... Ti AmoChinese... Wo Ai NiSwedish... Jag AlskarAlabama, Arkansas, North Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Texas, Mississippi, North Carolina and Kentucky... Nice Tits
A Yankee lawyer went duck hunting in eastern North Carolina. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly gentleman asked him what he was doing. The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, I'm going into retrieve it."
The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U. S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything!
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things here in North Carolina. We settle small disagreements like this with the NC Three-Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the NC three-Kick Rule?"
The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until more...
Restroom Graffiti
The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open. ----Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL - (not far from a major medical school)
Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die. ----Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL
If you can piss this high, join the fire department. ----On the wall in the men's restroom at a height of 6 feet. O'Ryan's Irish Pub. Ashland, Oregon.
Beauty is only a light switch away. ----Perkins Library. Duke University. Durham, North Carolina.
I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards. ----Houghton Library, Harvard University. Cambridge, Massachusetts.
If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives. ----Armand's Pizza. Washington, D.C.
Remember, it's not,' How high are you?' it's' Hi, how are you?' ----Rest stop off Route 81. West more...
In a recent speech, Hillary Clinton apologized for her husband's comments about Obama at the South Carolina primary, where he said Jesse Jackson also won South Carolina when he ran for president, seemingly belittling Obama's success.
"I want to put that in context...We can be proud of both Jesse Jackson and Senator Obama," Hillary Cliton said.
"But that doesn't mean we can't beat them like a slave who just learned the alphabet."