Carried Jokes / Recent Jokes

Any argument carried far enough will end up in semantics.

A worldwide survey has been carried out with the following question:"PLEASE, GIVE US YOUR OPINION ON THE LACK OF FOOD IN THE REST OF THEWORLD"No result was achieved, since the following problems were facedduring the survey's implementation:1. In Western Europe no one knew what is "lack"2. In Africa no one knew what is "food"3. In Eastern Europe no one knew what is "opinion"4. In South America no one knew what is "please"5. In the USA no one knew what is "rest of the world"

A worldwide survey has been carried out with the following question:"PLEASE, GIVE US YOUR OPINION ON THE LACK OF FOOD IN THE REST OF THEWORLD"No result was achieved, since the following problems were facedduring the survey's implementation: 1. In Western Europe no one knew what is "lack"2. In Africa no one knew what is "food"3. In Eastern Europe no one knew what is "opinion"4. In South America no one knew what is "please"5. In the USA no one knew what is "rest of the world"

Two Monks were walking meditatively in a forest in India. When they reached a puddle of water they noticed a young woman struggling to cross that water.
One monk carried her across the water to the other side. Then both monks rached the monestry in the afternoon. The elder monk said, "Brother it's against our rule to touch a female and I am still thinking what you did over there.
The reply from the younger monk was, "Having carried the female, I left her at the bank and forgot her, but you are sill carrying her!"

Meyer, a lonely widower, was walking home along Delancey Street one day wishing something wonderful would change his life, when he passed a Pet Store and heard a squawking voice shouting out in Yiddish, "Quawwwwk. .. vus machst du. .. yeah, du. .. outside, standing like a schlmiel. .. eh?"
Meyer rubbed his eyes and ears. He couldn't believe it. The proprietor sprang out of the door and grabbed Meyer by the sleeve. "Come in here, fella, and check out this parrot. .."
Meyer stood in front of an African Grey that cocked his little head and said, "Vus? Ir kent reddin Yiddish?"
Meyer turned excitedly to the store owner. "He speaks Yiddish?"
"Vuh den? Chinese maybe?"
In a matter of moments, Meyer had placed five hundred dollars down on the counter and carried the parrot in his cage away with him. All night he talked with the parrot in Yiddish. He told the parrot about his father's adventures coming to America, about more...

On the first day of school, a little girl was walking to the schoolyard when a little boy came over and said, "I'll carry your books for you if you climb that tree."
The girl liked to do adventurous things, so she climbed the tree and the little boy carried her books.
The next day, the same thing happened. "Hey, I'll carry your books to school for you if you climb that tree," the little boy said. The little girl did and the boy carried her books.
This went on for a long time and the girl was beginning to wonder why the boy was asking her to climb the tree. So, when she got home from school one day she asked her mom, "Mommy, everyday when I walk to school this boy asks me to climb a tree and he will carry my books. Why does he do this, Mommy?"
"Well, honey," her mother answers, "when you climb the tree, the little boy is looking up your dress at your panties."
Then the little girl replies, "But, Mommy, I don't more...

Buried in the Dead Sea Scrolls are some accounts of the Apostles during the Ministry of Jesus. There is, for instance, the story of Judas Iscariot, the disciple who later betrayed Jesus, which betrayal led to His Crucifixion.
It is written there that one day, before undertaking a journey across the desert of Samaria, Jesus summoned His Apostles and asked each of them to bring a stone. Informed before hand of their destination, Judas picked up a small stone so as not to tax him with weight for the journey. As the day wore on and the sun beat upon their heads, Judas smiled, for among all of them, he carried the smallest stone and therefore the least burden.
As darkness fell, Jesus told His disciples to pitch tent and to rest for the evening. He gathered them together and asked them to bring forth their stones. Wherefore, He blessed the stones and turned them into bread to overcome their hunger. Judas, of course, had the smallest bread!
On the occassion, while strolling on more...