Carry Jokes / Recent Jokes
WOMEN WITH BIG BREASTS:
can get a taxi on the worst days
have a neat place to carry spare change
have always been the center of the arts
make jogging a spectator sport
can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub
have more negotiating power
usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie
can always carry a little extra
always float better
know where to look first for lost earrings
rarely lack for a slow dance partner
have a place to set their glasses when sitting in an armless recliner
WOMEN WITH LITTLE BREASTS:
don't cause a traffic accident every time they bend over in public
always look younger
find that dribbled food makes it to the napkin on their lap
can always see their toes and shoes
can sleep on their stomachs
have no trouble sliding behind the wheel of small cars
know that people can read the entire message on their t-shirts
know that everything more than a handful is wasted
can come more...
Tigers really are as big and poofy and soft as they look, and they purr like a freight train going by. You find this out by taking one for a walk. To take a tiger for a walk, you first need a tiger. Tigers fresh from the bush are not recommended for the inexperienced. What you need is one who’s used to the procedure. He or she is thus liable to be merely playful, rather than actively irritated.
You also need a friend, whom you really, really trust. The friend carries an apple wood cane; apple, or some other wood, which will bend under stress rather than shattering. This, friend, is your backup, and the cane is his or her only tool for everything, from knocking stuff out of the way that the tiger is liable to eat, to crowd control, to hooking on and madly hanging on if things go wrong.
What YOU carry is a ten-foot length of pass-link chain. This is your leash.
Pass-link chain is the stuff where the links will fit through each other. This is important. You need this so more...
The Ten Commandments
1. Thou shall not squeeze too hard on the opposite sexes genetalia
2. Thou shall not ask for a kiss, just give one or take one
3. Thou shall kiss at every given opportunity
4. If thou kissed someone, and was slapped, thou shalt not kiss her again.
5. Thou shall never bite when in the act of french kissing
6. Thou shall not pay for sexual intercourse
7. Thou shall not date members of state or Musicians
8. Thou shall not have sexual intercourse in public convieniences.
9. thou should never turn down free sexual intercourse
10. Procreate at will
Religions of the world
Taoism: Shit happens
Confucianism: Confucius say, shit happens
Hinduism: This shit has happened before
Buddhism: Shit happens, yet shit does not happen
Islam: Shit happens, is Allah wills
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to me?
Protestantism: Let shit happen to other people
Catholicism: If shit more...
I Am Glad I Picked You
I saw you across a crowded room.
Among all the others that were there,
The lights seemed to shine down on you alone.
I knew then I had to have you for my own.
Willingly, you came with me to my home.
From the car, I carried you & threw the door.
Looking at you, I admire your body,
your well shaped legs,and breasts.
Slowly I remove what wraps,
around your body so tighly,
fitting you like a glove.
Exposing your tender white skin.
From your neck I remove your charms,
and carry you off in my arms,
to the warm water that awaits.
The water cascades down your neck,
flowing over your soft breasts then,
making your legs glisten with wetness.
Droplets of water cover your taut skin.
My hands rub your body, ummmm
running them threw the beads of water.
Making them trickle down off your body.
I place my fingers inside more...
Letter to the DENTON RECORD CHRONICLE from Dwight Crawford Sr. of Sanger, Texas:
TERRORISM, WHAT IS THAT?
I get a big laugh at the dialogue of Osama bin Laden, the Taliban, politicians, and the news media. They say terrorists will hit us again in the oncoming weeks and months. What a joke! You have a better chance of getting killed on Interstate 35E than by a terrorist.
Osama has probably seen 100 degree plus summers in Afghanistan, but he doesn't have fire ants to go with it. If he did, he wouldn't be sleeping on the ground in his cave. He talks of pain and suffering he is going to inflict on us. He doesn't know what pain is until he gets kicked by a green broke, two year old colt in a freezing rain.
Germ warfare? Texas ticks will give you Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever and Lime disease, blister beetles kill your horse, green bugs destroy a wheat crop, and termites eat your house. Anthrax has killed Texas cattle for over 125 years. What's new? Our prairie dogs carry more...
Q: What do Michael Jackson and the New York Mets have in common?
A: They're both walking around with one glove on their hand for no apparent reason whatsoever!!
Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
A: One is white, made out of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with and the other you carry your groceries in! !
Q: Why was Michael Jackson spotted at K-Mart?
A: He heard boys' pants were half-off! !
Q: What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?
A: Get out of my sun!!
Q: What's white and in Michael Jackson's pocket?
A: His other hand! !
Q: What do you do if Michael Jackson is drowning?
A: Throw him a buoy! !
Q: How can you tell if Michael Jackson has company?
A: There's a big wheel parked outside his house!!
Q: Heard about Michael Jackson's new songs?
A: I'm forever blowing bubbles!
Q: Why does Michael Jackson arrange for private shopping?
A: So his guests more...
Why do postmen carry letters? Because the letters cant go anywhere by themselves.