Carry Jokes / Recent Jokes

You know you`re a nurse if... You carry "spare" meds in your pocket rather than wait for pharmacy to deliver.

I saw you across a crowded room. Among all the others that
were there, The lights seemed to shine down on you alone. I
knew then I had to have you for my own.
Willingly, you came with me to my home. From the car, I
carried you & threw the door.
Looking at you, I admire your body, your well shaped legs,
and breasts. Slowly I remove what wraps, around your body so
tightly, fitting you like a glove. Exposing your tender white
skin.
From your neck I remove your charms, and carry you off in my
arms, to the warm water that awaits.
The water cascades down your neck, flowing over your soft
breasts then, making your legs glisten with wetness. Droplets
of water cover your taut skin.
My hands rub your body, ummmm running them threw the beads
of water. Making them trickle down off your body.
I place my fingers inside you. You are warm and moist, so
ready. I carry your still dripping body, to a laying place,
so that I can put more...

A man sees a beautiful Grand Father Clock in a store and, just has to have it. Unfortunately, it takes all of his cash to pay for it and he cannot afford the forty dollar delivery charge. He elects to take it home himself, in the back of his Station Wagon.
As he is struggling to carry it out of the front of the store to his auto, a staggering drunk stumbles into him and knocks the clock to the sidewalk, smashing it!
The man is furrious! He shouts, "WHY DON'T YOU LOOK WHERE YOU ARE GOING?!"
The drunk looks back at him in disgust, and replies, "Why can't you carry a watch like everyone else?"

Two unemployed guys are talking and onne says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer."
The other replies, "That's crazy, you don't know anything about lion taming."
"Yes I do!"
"Well, OK, answere this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what are you going to do?"
"Well, then I take that big chair, they all carry, and I stick it in his face until he backs down."
"Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with his big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?"
"Well, then I take that whip they all carry, and I whip him and whip him until he backs down."
"Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bites it into two? What you gonna do then?"
"Well, then I take that gun they all carry, and I shoot him."
"Well, what if that gun doesn't work? What will you do more...

Fifty-six percent of all women carry condoms. The other 44% carry babies.

British Military Officer Fitness Reports
The British Military writes OFR’s (officer fitness reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people’s “206’s”….
- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
- I would not breed from this Officer.
- This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won’t-be.
- When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
- He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction. - He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.
- Technically sound, but socially impossible.
- This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.
- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
- When he joined my ship, this Officer was something more...

Banta: "I'm going to become a lion tamer."
Santa: "That's crazy, you don't know nothing about no lion taming."
Banta: "Yes I do!"
Santa: "Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?"
Banta: "I'll take that big chair they all carry, and I'll stick it in his face until he backs down."
Santa: "Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with them big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?"
Banta: "I'll take that whip they all carry, and I'll whip him and whip him until he backs down."
Santa: "Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bites it in two? What you gonna do then?"
Banta: "I'll take that gun they all carry, and shoot him."
Santa: "Well, what if that gun doesn't work? What will you do then?"
Banta: "I'll more...