Case Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three nurses went to heaven, and were awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to enter the pearly gates.

The first nurse said, "I worked in an emergency room. We tried our best to help patients, even though occasionally we did lose one. I think I deserve to go to heaven." St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.

The second nurse says, "I worked in an operating room. It's a very high stress environment and we do our best. Sometimes the patients are too sick and we lose them, but overall we try very hard." St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.

The third nurse says, "I was a case manager for an HMO."

St. Peter looks at her file. He pulls out a calculator and starts punching away at it furiously, constantly going back to the nurse's file. After a few minutes St. Peter looks up, smiles, and says, "Congratulations! You've been admitted to heaven. .. for five days!"

Two boys from the mountains, Leroy and Jasper have been
promoted from privates to sergeants. Not long after,
they're out for a walk and Leroys says, "Hey, Jasper,
there's the NCO Club. Let's you and me stop in."
"But we's privates," protests Jasper. "We's
sergeants now," says Leroy, pulling him inside.
"Now, Jasper, I'm a-gonna sit down and have me
a drink." "But we's privates," says Jasper.
"You blind, boy?" asks Leroy, pointing at
his stripes. "We's sergeants now." So they
have their drink, and pretty soon a hooker comes up
to Leroy. "You're cute," she says, "and
I'd like to date you, but I've got a bad case of gonorrhoea."
Leroy pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Jasper,
go look in the dictionary and see what gonorrhoea means.
If it's okay, give me the okay sign." So Jasper
goes to look it up, comes back, and more...

(which in our society means over 25)
An older woman can wear any hat she chooses and nobody will laugh. A
younger woman wearing the same hat will always look like a lampshade
in a brothel. An older woman will never wake you up in the middle of
the night to ask you,' What are you thinking?' An older woman doesn't
care what you think. An older woman always carries a purse full of
emergency supplies. Young women go hungry and bleed to death every
time there's a natural disaster. An older woman always carries a
condom in her purse. A younger woman is still hoping the guy might
have one on him. An older woman is a cheaper date. A younger woman
will cost you 12 beers, but an older woman will sleep with you after a
cup of a herbal tea. An older woman can wear bright red lipstick
during the day without looking like she just had an adventure inside a
jam jar. This is not true of younger women or drag queens. Older women
can more...

A judge enters the courtroom, strikes the gavel and says, "Before I begin this
trial, I have an announcement to make. The lawyer for the defense has paid me $15,000 to swing the case his way. The lawyer for the plaintiff has paid me $10,000 to swing the case her way. In order to make this a fair trial, I am returning $5,000 to the defense."

Advantages of dating older women...An older woman will never wake you up in the middle of the night and ask you, "What are you thinking?" An older woman doesn't care what you think.An older woman always carries a condom in her purse. A younger woman is still hoping the guy might have one on him.An older woman is a cheaper date. A younger woman will cost you 12 beers, but an older woman will sleep with you after a cup of herbal tea.An older woman can wear bright red lipstick during the day without looking like she just had an adventure inside a jam jar. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.Older women can run faster because they're always wearing sensible shoes.There's no need to be phobic about "committing" to an older woman - the last thing she needs in her life is another clingy, whiny, dependent man.Older women are more honest. An older woman will tell you that you are an asshole if you're acting like one. A young woman will say nothing, just in case more...

Before a case was taken up in court the two lawyers engaged by the opposing sides decided to cut the other to size.' I am told you are an absolute fraud, a 420. Today I am going to expose the truth about you.'
'And I happen to know that you are the world's biggest liar; wait till I strip you of all your false pretensions.'
The magistrate intervened and said,' Evidently you gentleman need no introduction as you seem to know each other well. Now can we get on with the case?'

Farmer John was injured when a truck hit his pick-up, and he filed a lawsuit against the driver who hit him. When the case went to trial, the truck driver's big city lawyer questioned farmer John."After the accident, did you not say to the sheriff's deputy,' I'm fine'?" asked the lawyer.
Farmer John answered, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the...."
"I did not ask you about your mule," the lawyer interrupted, "I asked you about your statement to the sheriff's deputy. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident,' I'm fine'?"
Farmer John answered, "Like I was saying, I loaded Bessie into the trailer, and I hitched it to my pick-up truck...."
The lawyer angrily turned to the judge. "Your honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the sheriff's deputy on the scene that he was just fine. Now, many months after the more...