Catch Jokes / Recent Jokes
Whats the best way to catch a fish? Have someone throw it at you.
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5 and vice versa." Again, she declines and tried to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5 and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."
This catch the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What is the distance from earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pull out a $5 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "OK," says the lawyer, "You more...
Finally admitting he was grossly overweight, this man decided it was time to take advantage of a special introductory offer from a new weight loss clinic in town. After handing over his payemnt he was shown to an empty room where he was soon joined by a gorgeous blond. "Hi," she said. "If you catch me, I'm yours."
It took a while, but after a prolonged chase he succeeded - and was delighted to find he'd lost ten pounds in the process. After that he gave up all ideas of dieting and managed to drop ten more pounds with a brunette and eight with a redhead. But he was still fifty pounds overweight, so he decided to sign up for the clinic's more drastic program. He was waiting eagerly in an empty room when the door opened and in came a three-hundred pound gay guy who grinned and said, "If I catch you, you're mine."
A farmer is sitting on the front porch of his house one hot summer day, when this kid comes walking down the road carrying a big bundle of wire. “Hey kid! ” the farmer says, “where ya goin’ with that wire? ” “Well, ” the kid drawls, “this here ain’t just any ol’ wire, this here’s chicken wire. I’m fixin’ to catch me some chickens! ”“You can’t catch chickens with chicken wire! ” says the farmer. “Sure I can! ” the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes back at the end of the day and sure enough, he’s got a whole mess of chickens caught in his chicken wire. Well, the farmer’s sitting on his porch the next day, and the same kid comes walking down the lane, carrying a big roll of tape. “Hey kid! ” the farmer yells, “where ya goin’ with that tape? ” “Well, this here ain’t just any ol’ tape, ” says the kid, “this here’s duck tape. I’m fixin’ to catch me some ducks! ” “You can’t catch ducks with duck tape! ” more...
Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours. Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut. Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question,' How do I look?' PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter (or at least men think it means that). PMS also stands for Preposterous Mood Swings and Punish My Spouse. The first naked man a woman sees is' Ken'. Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn.' Oh, nothing,' has an entirely different meaning in woman-language than it does in man-language. Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading. All women are overweight by definition don't agree with them about it. Women always have 5 pounds to lose, but don't bring this up unless they really have 5 pounds to gain. If it is not more...
Jackson is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there is this gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward Jackson. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back."Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy you dessert to make it up to you."They enjoy a wonderful dessert together, and afterward, the woman invites him to the theater followed by drinks. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place and stay for breakfast the next morning.The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. Jackson is amazed. Everything has been incredible! "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?""No," she replies. "You just more...
I HAD A BAD DAY It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day the day you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the following day. So the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The angel at the gate, remembering about the new law, promptly told the man, "Before I can let you in, I need you to tell me about the day you died." "No problem." said the man. "Well, for some time now, I've thought my wife was having an affair. I believed that each day on her lunch hour, she'd bring her lover home to our 25th floor apartment and have sex with him. So today I was going to come home too and catch them. Well, I got there and busted in and immediately began searching for this guy. My wife was half-naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. But, damn it, I couldn't find him! Just as I was going to more...