Catholics Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man goes into a bar on the Shankill road with his pet crocodile. He asks "do you serve catholics?"

The bartender replies "Yes, we're very open-minded here. what can I get you?"

The man replies "A pint of Guinness and 2 catholics for the crocodile."

Q: How do Catholics separate the men from the boys? A: With a crowbar.

Warnings to anyone who is Catholic and' sensitive' to such humor.

A recently deceased fellow stands before St. Peter and askes to be let into Heaven. St. Peter asks his religion, and the fellow replies' Episcopalian.'

St. Peter says:' Welcome to Heaven. Go to room 24. Please be very quiet as you pass room 8'.

Another man arrives at the gates of heaven.

'Religion'?

'Baptist'.

'Go to room 18. But be very quiet as you pass room 8'.

A third man arrives at the gates.

'Religion?'

'Jewish.'

'Go to room 11, but please be very quiet as you pass room 8'.

The man says,' I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?'

St. Peter tells him,' Well the Catholics are in room 8, and they think they're the only ones here'.

A protestant moved into a completely Catholic community. Being good Catholics they welcomed him into their community. But, also because they were good Catholics they did not eat red meat on Fridays. So, when their neighbor began barbequeing some juicy steak on Friday night, they began to squirm. They were so annoyed that they went to talk to him about it. After much talk they conviced him to become Catholic. The next Sunday he went to the priest and the priest sprinkled holy water on him and said: You were born Protestant. You were raised Protestant. But now you are Catholic! And so, the next Friday, as the neighbors sat down to eat their fish, they were disturbed by the smell of roast beef coming from the neighboring house. They went over to talk to the new Catholic because he knew he was not supposed to eat beef on Fridays. When they saw him, he was sprinkling ketchup on the beef saying: You were born a cow. You were raised a cow. But now you are fish!

Three nuns went to a football game and three men got stuck sitting behind them. The men couldn't see very well because of the nun's little nun hats. So they came up with a plan to make them leave. ''I think I'll move to California, there's only 50 Catholics there," said the first man."I think I'll move to Washington, there's only 25 Catholics there.'' "I think I'll move to Idaho, there's only 10 Catholics there.'' Then one of the nuns turned around."Go to Hell, there are NO Catholics there."