Cats Jokes / Recent Jokes

How do you know if you cats got a bad cold? He has cat-arrh!

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
Good girls get fat, bad girls get eaten.
We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
Born free... taxed to death.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
A cat almost always blinks when hit in the head with a ball peen hammer.
There's too much blood in my alcohol system.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
The early bird may get the worm, more...

Q: Why do cats eat fur balls? - A: Because they love a good gag!

Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet! This diet will also work on humans! Except for cats that eat like people - such as getting lots of table scraps - most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). the Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for one week and you’ll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what constitutes food. Good Luck!

DAY ONE
Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more the. 75 per can - and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room.
Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your more...

An aquarium is just interactive television for cats. Anything on the ground is a cat toy. Anything not there yet, will be. At least dogs do what you tell them to do. Cats take a message and get back to you. Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes. Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it. Cat rule #2: Bite the hand that won't feed you fast enough. Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia. Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit. Cats don't hunt seals. They would if they knew what they were and where to find them. But they don't, so that's all right. Cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner. Cats know what more...

Q: What do you call a cat that has just eaten a whole duck? A: A duck filled fatty puss! Q: What kind of cat should you take into the desert? A: A first aid kitty! Q: Why do cats chase birds? A: For a lark! Q: What do cats read in the morning? A: Mewspapers! Q: What works in a circus, walks a tightrope and has claws? A: An acrocat! Q: What do you call a cat wearing shoes? A: Puss in boots! Q: Why did the cat frown when she passed the hen house? A: Because she heard fowl language! Q: There were four cats in a boat, one jumped out. How many were left? A: None. They were all copy cats!

A cat matures as it grows older.
Back hair on cats is cute.
Cats comfort you when you are sick.
When a cat sleeps all day it's natural, not annoying.
Unlike a man, a cat can fend for itself.
A cat is loyal.
Cats actually think with their heads.
"Meow" is never a lie.
They'll both stand outside your door and whine, but the cat will stop when it gets in.
It's more amusing to watch a cat try and deal with a piece of tape stuck on its paw than to watch a man do anything.
To buy a fancy dinner for a cat only costs 35 cents.
A cat's friend is less likely to be annoying.
Cats can't show love without meaning it.
Cats are always cute.
It is legal in all states to neuter a cat.