Cattle Jokes

When the cattle had been loaded into cars and shipped to Chicago for sale, each car was appointed an attendant to feed and water the cattle during the journey. This is the story of such a cowboy:
Following the unloading of the cattle in Chicago, the cowboy headed to a restaurant for dinner. The only seat was next to a lady who looked wealthy and educated. He couldn't help overhearing her order. "I'll have a breast of fowl, virgin fowl, make sure it's a virgin, catch it yourself, garnish my plate with onions, a cup of coffee, not too hot, not too cold, and open the window, I smell a cow, there must be a cowboy in here."
Thoroughly pissed off, the cowboy placed his order. "I'll have a duck, a fucked duck, make sure it's fucked, fuck it yourself, garnish my plate with horse shit, a cup of coffee, strong as Texas mule piss, blow the foam off with a fart, and knock out the wall, I smell a cunt, there must be a whore in the house."

Why doesnt Sweden export its cattle? It wants to keep its Stockholm!

Why don't Blondes make good cattle herders.Because they can never keep two calves together.

A man takes his wife to the cattle stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls.
They come up to the first bull and his sign stated:"This bull mated 50 times last year."
The wife turns to her husband and says,"He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him."
They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated:"This bull mated 65 times last year."
The wife turns to her husband and says,"This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also."
They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year."
The wife's mouth drops open and says,"WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one."
The man turns to his wife and says,"Go up and ask if it was 365 times with the same cow."

One Sunday a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach. The cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd feed him."
So the minister began his sermon.
One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he had liked the sermon. The cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay."