Texas Jokes

Texas: A man convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in damages rather than serve a prison sentence.
For payment, he provided the court a check - a *forged* check. He got 10 years.

Two Southern belles, one of whom was from Texas, were seated on the porch swing of a large white-pillared mansion talking. The first woman, who was not from Texas, said, "When my first child was born, my husband had this beautiful mansion built for me."
"That's nice," commented the lady from Texas.
"When my second child was born," the first woman continued, "he bought me that fine Cadillac automobile you see parked in the drive."
Again, the lady from Texas commented, "That's nice."
"Then, when my third child was born," boasted the first woman, "he bought me this very exquisite diamond and emerald bracelet."
Once more, the lady from Texas commented, "That's nice."
"What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?" asked the first woman.
"My husband sent me to charm school," answered the lady from Texas.
"Charm school!" exclaimed more...

Nolan Ryan has agreed to become the Texas Rangers’ new president, making him the best pitcher in the organization.

Down around the Texas-Louisiana border, there has been a recent rash of illegal cock fighting, with quite a bit of gambling. The director of the Louisiana State Police finally bent to public pressure and sent an investigator to get to the bottom of the problem.
The crack investigator, Boudreaux, took an unmarked cruiser and headed for Mamou. He was gone for two days and arrived back in Baton Rouge to report to the director.
He reported that there were three major groups involved in the illegal cock fighting - Texas Aggies, Cajuns and the Mafia.
Of course, the boss wanted to know how he surmised this, and he replied that he knew there were Texas Aggies involved when he saw someone enter a duck into the fight.
He knew that there were Cajuns involved when someone bet on the duck.
He then stated that he was absolutely positive that the Mafia was involved when the duck won!

A Texas rancher was driving through Mexico and stopped at the edge of the road to admire the scenery and a white beautiful horse caught his eye. The horse looked healthy well kept and was in a separate corral. Just for tries the Texan asked one of the workers if the horse was for sale. The worker trying to communicate said "No, no, he no look to good." The Texan was not satisfied with the answered because he saw that the animal looked great and insisted on buying it, after a few arguments the worker arranged for the sale and the Texan took the horse back to his ranch. He rode the horse through his ranch and galloped to the barn when suddenly the horse ran right into the barn wall. Frustrated the Texan takes the horse back to Mexico and talks to the worker that sold him the horse and explains what happened. The worker said, "I told you he no look to good"