Caught Jokes / Recent Jokes

During WW II an American soldier had been on the front lines in Europefor three months, when he was finally given a week of R&R. He caught asupply boat to a supply base in the south of England, then caught atrain to London. The train was extremely crowded and he could not finda seat. He was dead on his feet and walked the length of the trainlooking for any place to sit down. Finally he found a compartment with seats facing each other; there wasroom for two people on each seat. On one side sat only a proper looking, older British lady, with a small dog sitting in the empty seat beside her."Could I please sit in that seat?" he asked. The lady was insulted. "You bloody Americans are so rude", she said,"can't you see my dog is sitting there"? He walked through the train once more and still could not find a seat. He found himself back at the same place."Lady I love dogs - have a couple at home - so I would be glad to holdyour dog if I can sit down", more...

Jon bought two horses, and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that he cut the tail of one horse and that worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse's tail and our friend was stuck again.

The neighbor suggested Jon notch the ear of one horse. That worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again our friend couldn't tell them apart.

The neighbor suggested he measure the horses for height. When he did, he was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black.

I'm surprised that nobody has posted any jokes regarding this scandal yet.
For anybody overseas, or living in a cave, this woman Heidi ran a brothel that catered to Hollywood's biggest stars, movie executives, and (allegedly) professional sports players.
She got caught, and the whole affair has Hollywood buzzing. There are rumors that the judge is going to subpoena her black book, which contains all of her customers. The press has nicknamed her the "Madam of the stars."
Because of her sudden fame, she is selling interviews, pictures, etc. (She is a prostitute after all...) I heard these prices on the radio this morning.
The movie rights to her life story, including the scandal, will be sold for $1 million dollars. (This is a very high price for movie rights, but many of the top movie executives will willingly pay more for the story, to make sure that they are NOT portrayed in the movie!)
A picture of the COVER of her black book, listing her clients, sells more...

One day, a priest decides to take a walk to the pier near his church. He looks around and finally stops to watch a fisherman load his boat. The fisherman notices, and asks the priest if he would like to join him for a couple of hours. The priest agrees. The fisherman asks if the priest has ever fished before; the priest says no. He baits the hook for him and says, "Give it a shot, father."
After a few minutes, the priest hooks a big fish and struggles to get it in the boat. The fisherman says, "Whoa, what a big sonofabitch!" The priest says, "Ah, please sir, can you mind your language?" The fisherman responds (thinking quickly), "I'm sorry father, but that's what this fish is called-a sonofabitch!" "Oh, I'm sorry," says the priest. "I didn't know." After the trip, the priest brings the fish to the church and spots the bishop. "Eminence, look at this big sonofabitch!" "Please father," says the bishop. more...

Once upon a time, in the Christmas Tree Forest there lived the
Christmas fairies. They spent most of their time practising
sitting on top of the Christmas trees. There was just one rule
they had to stick to... it was strictly forbidden for a fairy to
kiss anyone!
The trouble was that Floella was a wicked little fairy. One day
Harry the Hare was hopping through the forest when he saw Floella
sitting on top of a toadstool, combing her hair. Floella said,
"Hello, handsome, give us a kiss!"
Harry the Hare was shocked. "Father Christmas doesn't allow that! he gasped. "Anyone caught kissing a fairy will be turned straight
away into Goon!"
But Floella tickled his ears - just the way hares love and
whispered, "Don't worry, we won't get caught!"
Harry the Hare trembled with fear and excitement. He looked
carefully over his furry brown shoulder, saw that no one was
looking. .. and more...

Here is a list of best excuses if you get caught sleeping in your cubicle at work.
1. It's okay... I'm still billing the client.
2. They told me at the blood bank this might happen.
3. This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last management course you sent me to.
4. I was working smarter, not harder.
5. Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper.
6. I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!
7. This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!
8. I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance
9. I'm in the management training program
10. Actually doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) you learned at the last mandatory seminar your boss made you attend.
11. This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!
12. I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. more...

Things To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk
15. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
14. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."
13. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"
12. "I wasn`t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
11. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
10. "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance"
9. "Actually I`m doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) I learned it at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend.
8. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress."
7. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
6. "The coffee machine is more...