Celebrate Jokes / Recent Jokes

How does Moby Dick celebrate his birthday? He has a whale of a party!

Q. Lovers celebrate Valentine's Day -- what do masturbators celebrate?
A. Palm Sunday.
Q. What two people were shot in a theater?
A. Abraham Lincoln, and the guy sitting in front of Pee Wee Herman.
Q. What is the most sensative part of the body during masturbation?
A. Your ears -- to listen for footsteps.
Q. What is the definition of a tough competitor?
A. In a masturbation contest, he finishes first, third, and ninth.
Q. What is the difference between pink and purple?
A. Your grip!
Q. What's the difference between "hard" and "light"?
A. You can get to sleep with a light on.
Q. Why is masturbation better than sex?
A. Because you can see what you are doing.
And one for you golfers out there:

Q. What does a three-putt and masturbation have in common?
A. You're ashamed, but you know you'll do it again!

A head-on collision occurred between a man and a woman. Both emerged from the scene intact while their cars were totally demolished. The woman said, "This is quite a predicament. We should drink a toast to celebrate this miracle." The man replied, "What a great idea; I just happen to have a bottle with me." With this he handed it to the man. The man downed half the bottle and handed it back. The woman would not take it back and said, "I think I will wait until after the police arrive to celebrate."

One day, two monks were in the vaults of the monastery going through the old scrolls.
"You see, there are the originals," said the first monk. "All the new scrolls were copied from these."
"Can I see one?"
"Sure. This is one outlines the rules for monkdom . . " All of a sudden, the monk's face turns white and he falls to his knees.
"What? What does it say?"
"Celebrate. IT SAYS CELEBRATE!"

1. I stopped caring about anniversaries when you stopped caring about cooking. 2. Today is our what? 3. Okay, let's celebrate, but do we have to celebrate together? 4. I thought we only celebrated important events? 5. You can celebrate anniversaries with your next husband. 6. You don't like what I pick out, so I thought why bother. 7. I got you a present worth a dollar for every time you were nice to me this year. Here's a $5 gift certificate for McDonald's. 8. If you want me to pretend like I care about our anniversary, I will. 9. You want to go out to dinner? Okay, okay, I'll take you to Pizza Hut if it'll shut ya up. 10. I thought you only had to celebrate anniversaries while you were still in love.

10. I stopped caring about anniversaries when you stopped caring about cooking. 9. Today is our what? 8. Okay, let's celebrate, but do we have to celebrate together? 7. I thought we only celebrated important events? 6. You can celebrate anniversaries with your next husband. 5. You don't like what I pick out, so I thought why bother. 4. I got you a present worth a dollar for every time you were nice to me this year. Here's a $5 gift certificate for McDonald's. 3. If you want me to pretend like I care about our anniversary, I will. 2. You want to go out to dinner? Okay, okay, I'll take you to Pizza Hut if it'll shut ya up. 1. I thought you only had to celebrate anniversaries while you were still in love.

10. I stopped caring about anniversaries when you stopped caring about cooking.
9. Today is our what?
8. Okay, let's celebrate, but do we have to celebrate together?
7. I thought we only celebrated important events?
6. You can celebrate anniversaries with your next husband.
5. You don't like what I pick out, so I thought why bother.
4. I got you a present worth a dollar for every time you were nice to me this year. Here's a $5 gift certificate for McDonald's.
3. If you want me to pretend like I care about our anniversary, I will.
2. You want to go out to dinner? Okay, okay, I'll take you to Pizza Hut if it'll shut ya up.
1. I thought you only had to celebrate anniversaries while you were still in love.