Cents Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde was standing in front of a coke machine she put in 50 cents and a coke came out. She set it on top of the coke machine. Put in 50 mor cents pushed the button and another coke came out.
She kept doing this untill a guy standing behind her said, " Excuse me, can I get my coke and then you can go back to what ever you are doing?"
The blonde turns around and says, " Like duh not when I am winning! "

A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner for 25 cents each. Every day a young lawyer would leave his office building at lunch time and, as he passed her pretzel stand, he would leave her a quarter, but would never take a pretzel. This went on for more than five years. The two of them never spoke. One day as the lawyer passed the old ladies pretzel stand and left his quarter as usual, the pretzel woman spoke to him,
" Sir, I appreciate your business. You are a good customer, but I have to tell you that the pretzel price has increased to 35 cents."

The news last night of impending tax hikes gave me an inspiration. They
plan on raising the gas tax (per gallon) from 5 cents to 11 cents (on Jan 1
or Mar 1), and then to 21 cents on Jan 1 1991. We could have a tax revolt;
have everyone dress up as Exxon employees and dump gas into Boston Harbor.
Unfortunately, with the way the Harbor is, no one would notice.

Yo mama's like...

- Yo mama's like a T. V., even a two-year-old could turn her on. - Yo mama's like a bowling ball. She's picked up, fingered, thrown in the gutter, and then comes back for more. - Yo mama's like a rifle... four cocks and she's loaded. - Yo mama's like a bubble gum machine... five cents a blow. - Yo mama's like Chinese food... sweet, sour, and cheap. - Yo mama's like a birthday cake, everybody gets a piece. - Yo mama's like Burger King... Your way, right away. - Yo mama's like a squirrel, she's always got some nuts in her mouth. - Yo mama's like 7-Eleven... open all night, hot to go, and for 89 cents you can get a slurpy. - Yo mama's like a toilet, fat, white, and smells like shit. - Yo mama's like the Bermuda Triangle, they both swallow a lot of seamen. - Yo mama's like a street lamp, you can find her turned on at night on any street corner. - Yo mama's like a telephone booth, open to the public, costs a quarter, and guys go in and out all day. - Yo mama's more...

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.
"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.
"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5: 00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1. 37."
"And that's how you built an empire?" the boy asked.
"Heavens, no!" the man replied. "Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."

Theorem: 1$ = 10 cent
Proof:
We know that $1 = 100 cents
Divide both sides by 100
$ 1/100 = 100/100 cents
= gt; $ 1/100 = 1 cent
Take square root both side
= gt; squr($1/100) = squr (1 cent)
= gt; $ 1/10 = 1 cent
Multiply both side by 10
= gt; $1 = 10 cent

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.
“Certainly, sir, that’ll be 1 cent. ”
“One penny?! ” exclaimed the guy.
The barman replied, “Yes. ”
So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, “Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad? ”
“Certainly sir, ” replies the bartender, “but all that comes to real money. ”
“How much money? ” inquires the guy.
“Four cents, ” he replies.
“Four cents?! ” exclaims the guy. “Where’s the guy who owns this place? ”
The barman replies, “Upstairs with my wife. ” The guy says,
“What’s he doing with your wife? ”
The bartender replies, “Same as what I’m doing to his business. ”