Cents Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.' I've lost five cents,' sobbed Johnny.' Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.' Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.' Now what is it? ' asked his dad.' I wish I'd said I'd lost ten cents!'

Well, one day, an idiot looking for a job finally came across a cigarette stand that was accepting anyone as there cashier. After being turned down for every job he filed for, he accepts this low paying job.One day, a woman comes to the stand, "Hey, sonny, how much do those cigaretts cost?""I dont know", replies the stupid cashier.The woman leaves unsatisfied.THe boss, having seen this goes up to him and screams "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DONT KNOW, THEY COST 10 CENTS, GOD!!!""10 cents? I will have to remember that" said the cashier.The next day, another woman comes "hey sonny, how much do those cigaretts cost?""10 cents ma'am""Really?, are they fresh?""I dont know"So the woman leaves.The boss, having spied this screams "WELL OFCOURSE THEY ARE FRESH YOU NINCOMPOOP, WHAT DO YOU THINK? THEY ARE SOUR OR SOMETHING?"So the cashier memorizes "Yes, very fresh"The next day, another woman comes and more...

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began.
The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing."
The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trash cans. After a few days, the old-timer greeted the more...

A dumb blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store. After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine!

She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient. "Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever stupid thing you are doing?"

The blonde turns around and says, "Yeah right! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm still winning!"

It's a summer holiday weekend and a man is shopping for the cookout he's having. He notices a sign in a butcher shop window advertising 'Ground Sirloin: 39 cents per pound'. Entering the shop, he tells the butcher he would like 5 pounds of the ground sirloin.
"Sorry, sir," replies the butcher. "I'm all out."
Disappointed, the man goes down the street to another butcher shop and asks, "How much is your ground sirloin?"
"It's $3.59 per pound," replies the butcher.
"What!" exclaims the man. "The butcher up the street is selling it for 39 cents per pound!"
Smiling calmly, the butcher asks, "Does he have any?"
"Not right now, no. He told me he's out of it," replies the man.
Grinning, the butcher says, "Well sir, when I don't have any, I can sell it for 29 cents per pound!"

Bachelor's Diet

MONDAY:

BREAKFAST - Who can eat breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth

LUNCH - Send your secretary out for six "gutbombers" those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have her stop on the way back for a family size bottle of maalox.

AFTERNOON SNACK - Drink the maalox

DINNER - Six pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece dinner, don't eat the coleslaw.

TUESDAY:

BREAKFAST - Eat the coleslaw

LUNCH - Go to the office vending machine and put ninety five cents in and close your eyes, push a button and eat whatever comes out swallowing it whole to prevent nausea.

DINNER - Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at El Flasho's.

WEDNESDAY:

BREAKFAST - Jaws couldn't eat breakfast after a night at El more...

Tom: I found twenty cents on the sidewalk. Jim: That's mine. I dropped a twenty-cent coin there this morning. Tom: But, what I found was two ten-cent coins! Jim: That's it. I heard it break when it hit the ground.