Century Jokes / Recent Jokes

A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of our visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.
Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition - even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
Most dogs are immortal.
Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.
No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

Dateline, September 3, 2147

Minneapolis -- In a rare view of 20th century life, Cyber Archaeologist Ole Anderson of Minneapolis has discovered an extremely rare throwback to the 20th century: an ancient IP version 4 packet containing HTTP --the primitive method that early Internet builders used to transfer data in what predated our now familiar way of communications.

Anderson is convinced of the packet's authenticity since IP version 4 packets have not been seen on the global network in 115 years.

"When I discovered the packet", says Anderson, "I couldn't believe my eyes. It contained an IP version 4 header which at first I couldn't decipher. Amazingly, the the contents of the packet are in plain text which means that I didn't even have to break the primitive crypto algorithms they had in those days. The packet seems to be directed at what was termed a `web site' and an individual called

The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type that it has
encountered several times before.
The Enterprise goes to check up on a remote outpost of scientists, who
are all perfectly all right.
The Enterprise comes across a Garden-of-Eden-like planet called Paradise,
where everyone is happy all the time. However, everything is soon revealed
to be exactly as it seems.
The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new lifeform, which later
turns out to be a rather well-known old lifeform, wearing a silly hat.
The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a strange alien plague, for
which the cure is found in the well-stocked sick-bay.
An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface to
the Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to
bring the right leads.
A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a
faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent more...

Gilchrist and Sangakkara
The ICC 2007 World Cup final between Sri Lanka and Australia is now history and another traingular series of matches coming ahead.
There has been loads of articles published, wide range of views expressed and many postmortems by various individuals, including past and present cricketers held.
I have been carefully reading all the stuff, including our own' on-the-spot' reports filed by veteran cricket writer Dr. Elmo Rodrigopulle, the only Sri Lankan English journalist to cover the entire tournament.
Whilst thinking of all those action paced episodes from the Caribbean for nearly two months, I had a dream.
Yes! That was a dream final.
Sri Lanka captain Mahela Jayawardena won the toss and elected to bat first in a final curtailed to 38 overs per side due to morning rain. Sri Lanka made a commanding total of 281 for 4 in their allocated 38 overs. The architect of the massive Lankan total was none other than wicket keeper batsman more...

Cunning Chinese scientists invented fireworks centuries before Francis Scott Key wrote the Star Spangled Banner. Their favorite little sparkler was a plunder-triggered land mine known as

"Underground Sky-Soaring Thunder." Anyone that plucked up the plunder got triggered sky high on a wave of thunder. Floating marine mines were invented by the Chinese in the 14th century, using inflated ox bladders. In this century they have cunningly invented marine "Smart" Mines too, mines smart enough to border on the brilliant.

Actually, they extend a little beyond the border. Chinese Smart Mines can tell the difference between Carriers and Love Boats. They can even spot the X in the plosion where the damage would be the most exasperating. That's pretty sophisticated for a government that pays people to cut grass with stainless steel scissors.

Smart Mines are dangerous even if they don't get loose into the open sea. Recent history tells us that more...

Recently, on an outing with my scout troop, the question came up of when the new millenium will begin--January 1st 2000 or 2001. So the Scoutmaster explained that each century begins with year "1" and ends with year "100"-thus the reason why the 20th century began at the start of 1901 and will end at the close of 2000. To illustrate his point, he gathered 15 berries and asked the boys how many he had. Each boy correctly answered "15". His next question was, "Now which berry is number' 0'?" To which one boy blurted out, "The one that isn't there!"

21ST CENTURY IS TRULY LIFELESS
COMMUNICATION -- WIRELESS
COOKING -- FIRELESS
YOUTH -- JOBLESS
FOOD -- FATLESS
THIS MESSAGE -- MEANINGLESS
SENDER -- PRICELESS
READER -- USELESS