Champ Jokes

An intellect rivaled only by garden tools. An XT clone in a Pentium zone. Another engineering prototype that should not have been shipped. Answers the door when the phone rings. Any slower and he'd be in reverse. -- Gignac As a baby his parents stood him on his soft spot. As bent as a corkscrew. As bright as a nightlight / small appliance bulb / tulip bulb. As happy as if he had brains. As happy as the village idiot. As much use as a back pocket in a vest. (Very English.) As much use as a lead parachute. As quick as a corpse. As rare as a nine bob note. (Very English.) As sharp as a marble / bowling ball / beachball / pin head / wet sponge / bowl of Jello / mashed potato sandwich, and twice as smart. As sharp as a sack full of wet mice. -- Foghorn Leghorn As smart as a politician/lawyer is honest. As smart as bait / an automatic email responder script. As smart as Christie Brinkley is ugly. As thick as champ. (Irish champ is mostly mashed spuds and cabbage.) As thick as two short more...

As sharp as a sack full of wet mice. -- Foghorn Leghorn

As smart as a politician/lawyer is honest.

As smart as bait / an automatic email responder script.

As smart as Christie Brinkley is ugly.

As thick as champ. (Irish; champ is mostly mashed spuds and cabbage.)

As thick as two short planks / two half bricks.

As worn out as a cucumber in a convent.

Attic's a little dusty.

Back burners not fully operating.

Bad spot on the disk.

Baler done run out of twine.

Bandwidth limited.

Barney's his hero.

Bats have flown the belfry, and now he's all alone.

Bats in the belfry.

As sharp as a sack full of wet mice. - Foghorn Leghorn
As smart as a politician/lawyer is honest.
As smart as bait / an automatic email responder script.
As smart as Christie Brinkley is ugly.
As thick as champ. (Irish; champ is mostly mashed spuds and cabbage.)
As thick as two short planks / two half bricks.
As worn out as a cucumber in a convent.
Attic’s a little dusty.
Back burners not fully operating.
Bad spot on the disk.
Baler done run out of twine.
Bandwidth limited.
Barney’s his hero.
Bats have flown the belfry, and now he’s all alone.
Bats in the belfry.

An intellect rivaled only by garden tools. An XT clone in a Pentium zone. Another engineering prototype that should not have been shipped. Answers the door when the phone rings. Any slower and he'd be in reverse. - Gignac As a baby his parents stood him on his soft spot. As bent as a corkscrew. As bright as a nightlight / small appliance bulb / tulip bulb. As happy as if he had brains. As happy as the village idiot. As much use as a back pocket in a vest. (Very English.) As much use as a lead parachute. As quick as a corpse. As rare as a nine bob note. (Very English.) As sharp as a marble / bowling ball / beachball / pin head / wet sponge / bowl of Jello / mashed potato sandwich, and twice as smart. As sharp as a sack full of wet mice. - Foghorn Leghorn As smart as a politician/lawyer is honest. As smart as bait / an automatic email responder script. As smart as Christie Brinkley is ugly. As thick as champ. (Irish champ is mostly mashed spuds and cabbage.) As thick as two short planks more...

When I was studying in Ireland, I took up rugby. As my first season wore on, the lads and I were eventually scheduled to play a team which had a reputation for violent play.

Considering that we weren't the most talented outfit to have ever taken the field, we decided to accept the challenge with a "do or die" attitude, hoping things would eventually swing our way. They didn't and to make matters worse our star player dislocated his hip after a particularly ferocious tackle.

He was clearly in a lot of pain, so we all stood back to which the medic who, in one swift movement, managed to slot the hip back into its socket. Then Champ began a long bloodcurdling scream.

To our horror, we realised that one of his testicles had also been jammed into the socket and was now firmly held in the place by the hip. Incidentally, Champ managed to rip a vocal chord with his screaming.