Chance Jokes / Recent Jokes

One night a father sent his kid to bed. Five minutes later the boy screamed,' 'Dad! Can you get me a glass of water!?!''' 'No. You had your chance.'' A minute later the boy screamed' 'Dad!! Can you get me a glass of water?''' 'No. You had your chance. Next time you ask I'll come up there and spank you.''' 'Dad! When you come up to spank me can you bring me a glass or water?''

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
7. Why does "fat chance" mean the same thing as "slim chance"?
8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it call "after dark" when it is really "after light"?
12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
14. Why do "overlook" more...

A blonde was driving her brand new, VERY expensive, Mustang convertible, when she saw her brunette friend. She thought that this was her chance to brag about it, so she drove over to her.
The brunette recognized her, and said, "Hey!" The blonde smiled; this was her chance. She said, "Hey, look what I got that you don't have!" patting her convertible.
The brunette smiled sweetly back and said, "Well, look what I got that YOU don't have," patting her brain.

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed... driving his partner nuts.
Finally his exasperated partner says, "What the hell is taking so long? Hit the damned ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
"Give me a break! You don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here."

A man traveling in southern Indiana was headed for the Kentucky border. .. when he saw a large sign which read:

"LAST CHANCE FOR $2. 50 GAS!!!"

He still had more than a quarter of a tank left, but figured he'd better take advantage of this opportunity to fill-up his tank. As he was getting his change from the attendant, he asked, "How much is gas in Kentucky?"

The attendant replied, "$2. 40 ".

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

An old Indian is standing on the corner, when an attractive young woman passes by. The Indian raises his hand in greeting, and says, "Chance!"
The same thing happens several days in a row. The woman walks past and the old Indian raises his hand and says, "Chance!"
Finally, she can't ignore it any longer, so she stops and asks, "You're an Indian, aren't you?"
The Indian nods.
She says, "I always thought Indians said 'How!' as a greeting."
The Indian replies, "Already know 'how'. Just want 'chance'."