Chance Jokes / Recent Jokes

Christmas was over. Santa and his reindeer finally had a chance to rest. And they deserved it. They had done a good job. Rudolph had a chance to do something he had wanted to do for a long time. He made an appointment with a plastic surgeon because he was so sensitive about his looks.
However it wasn't his glowing proboscis that he wanted changed. He was proud of his
nose and the help he had given Santa because of it. No, he was sensitive about his long ears which were much more prominent than the ears of the average reindeer, or bear for that matter.
So one week after Christmas, he let the good doctor do the pinna reconstructive surgery procedure, and since that time, January 1st has been celebrated as. .. New Ears Day.

This joke involves an elephant who is walking through the jungle. And all of a sudden he falls into a pit and is stuck there. The elephant is stuck in this pit and realizes that he is going to die, so naturally he start to scream. By chance a chicken hears the screaming of the elephant and decides to investigate. He sees the elephant stuck in the pit and shouts to the elephant: "Don't worry, I am going to save you". The chicken then calls on the King of the Jungle. The King of the Jungle promptly arrives in his Red Porsche. He throws a rope from the Porsche into the pit, the elephant ties it around himself and the King of the Jungle pulls him out of the pit. The elephant is saved (loud applause). So grateful is the elephant to the chicken that he promises him that he will one day do the same for him (if the chicken should ever be in mortal danger). As chance would have it, the next week the elephant is walking thru' the jungle and hears the screaming of a chicken. He wanders more...

In a little New Mexico town, a pretty young tourist watched with considerable interest as an Indian said "Chance" to every passing female. Finally, when curiosity got the best of her, she walked up to him and said "Hello"-to which he answered, "Chance."

Instead of strolling on, she turned to him and said, "I thought all Indians said' How.' "

Replied the Indian: "I know how-just want chance."

One night a father sent his kid to bed. Five minutes later the boy screamed, ``Dad! Can you get me a glass of water!?!`` ``No. You had your chance.`` A minute later the boy screamed ``Dad!! Can you get me a glass of water?`` ``No. You had your chance. Next time you ask I`ll come up there and spank you.`` ``Dad! When you come up to spank me can you bring me a glass or water?``

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren`t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write, but fingers don`t fing, grocers don`t groce, and hammers don`t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn`t the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?

If teachers taught, why didn`t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?

Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park more...

Christmas was over. Santa and his reindeer finally had a chance to rest. And they deserved it. They had done a good job.
Rudolph had a chance to do something he had wanted to do for a long time. He made an appointment with a plastic surgeon because he was so sensitive about his looks.
However it wasnt his glowing probiscus that he wanted changed. He was proud of his nose and the help he had given Santa because of it. No, he was sensitive about his long ears which were much more prominent than the ears of the average rain deer, or bear for that matter.
So one week after Christmas, he let the good doctor do the pinna reconstructive surgery procedure, and since that time, January 1st has been celebrated as. .. New Ears Day.

Once all the Sardars get disgusted about the large number of jokes that are cracked about them and so they come together in an auditorium to prove to the world that aren`t that silly after all. They call upon one sardar and ask him, "What is 10 plus 10?" After thinking for some time sardarji replies, "25!" The officials to whom they want to prove get disgusted but thousands of sardars in the auditorium start shouting, "Give him another chance!" So the officials ask him again, "What is 5 plus 5?" The sardar replies after thinking for awhile, "30!" Again there`s shouting from the audience, "Give him another chance!" Another question is posed, "What is 2 plus 2?" The sardarji replies after much thought, "4!" Again there is the voice of a thousand shouts, "Give him another chance!