Chap Jokes

As he was quietly watching television at home, a chap hears a sound on the roof of his house and rushes out to investigate. Seeing it was a fair sized gorilla tearing the shingles off his home he promptly calls up the local zoo authorities to inform them one of their animals had escaped. He is reassured that a gorilla recovery unit is on the way and is told to remain calm.
A few minutes later, an old beat up truck, displaying the Gorilla recovery unit logo on its panels, pulls up to the house. The elderly driver proceed to recover from the back of the truck, a chihuaha dog, a pair of handcuffs, a ladder, a baseball bat and a 12 gauge shotgun.
Puzzled on how this lone elderly was to solve the problem of this gorilla who had by now torn half the roof apart, the chap ask him how he will go about doing this.
As he hands him over the .12 gauge shotgun, the zoo employee explains
the plan:
- First I'll climb up there with the ladder;
- Then I approach the gorilla and more...

Pat and Jimmy-Joe met and one said to the other, "Have ye seen Mulligan lately, Pat?" Pat said, "Well, I have and I haven't." His friend asked, "Shure, and what d'ye mean by that?" Pat said, "It's like this, y'see...I saw a chap who I thought was Mulligan, and he saw a chap that he thought was me. And when we got up to one another...it was neither of us."

A chap is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years.
One day a gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba suit arrives at the
island. She comes up to the chap and she says, "How long has it been since you
had a cigarette?"
"Ten years!" he answers.
She reaches over, unzips this waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out
a pack of fresh cigarettes.
He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh man! Is that
good!"
Then she asks, "How long has it been since you had a whisky?
He replies, "Ten years!"
She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a bottle
of malt whisky and gives it to him.
He takes a long swallow and says, "Wow, that is fantastic!"
Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet
suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you had some more...

As he was quietly watching television at home, the chap heard a sound on the roof of his house and rushed out to investigate. Seeing it was a fair-sized gorilla tearing the shingles off his home, he promptly called up the local zoo authorities to inform them one of their animals had escaped. He was reassured that a gorilla recovering units was on the way and to remain calm.
A few minutes later, an old beat up truck, displaying the Gorilla recovery unit logo on its panels, pulled up to the house. The elderly driver proceeds to recover from the back of the truck, a chiwawa dog, a pair of handcuffs, a ladder, a baseball bat, and a 12-gauge shotgun. Puzzled on how this lone elderly was to solve the problem of this gorilla that had by now torn half the roof apart, the chap asked him how he would go about doing this. As he handed him over the 12-gauge shotgun, the zoo employee explained the plan:
"First I'll climb up there with the ladder. Then I'll approach the gorilla and more...

A chap went up to the counter in the library and said, "Have you got any books about committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Yes. Take a look over there, somewhere on the middle shelf." The chap came back a few moments later and said, "I can't find any at all." The librarian replied, "Yes, it's awful. They never bring' em back!"