Character Jokes / Recent Jokes

This gay guy walks into the bar and says,"Bartender I am gay but I would like to stay and have a drink."
So he replied," Ok, you can stay if you go to the end of the bar and not mess with anyone."
So the guy accepted and walked away.
A little while after that a big John Wayne Character walks in as says," Bartender, I'd Like a brewsky."
Well, the bartender gave it to him and the Character drank it in one sip.
He slamed down the mug and said,"I fell like a stud bull!" and the gay guy said,"Mooo!"

The Oscars are here! The Oscars are here!

The single greatest night of year is coming, and that means it's time for me to tell you who will win! I'm good, you know it. Last year, I told you James Coburn would win, and you all laughed, and he won. WHY DO YOU DOUBT ME?

Many of you cling to the belief that the Oscar goes to the most deserving nominee. Get over yourself. Oscars have nothing to do with talent and everything to do with marketing. With that in mind, here is the list of who will win.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR OK, everyone loved the little kid in Sixth Sense. But the last time the Academy gave an award to a damn kid (Anna Paquin from The Piano) she vanished off the face of the Earth to concentrate on a spelling bee. Face it, they ain't gonna give an award to anyone who still worships the Power Rangers. How about Michael Clarke Duncan from The Green Mile? Too tall. Jude Law? Forget it, his name's Jude.

There are really only two possible more...

What will happen if the Government of India decides to become a commercial film financier, say of' Mahabharat'? Read on.... Government of India Ministry of Human Resources Development Department of Culture Films Division No. B1452/234/2003 Dt. 15. 5. 03To: Shri. B. R. Chopra, Film Director, Mumbai Ref: Your letter dt. 2. 12. 90 regarding financing of films by Govt ofIndia -story submitted by you - namely,' Mahabharat' The undersigned is directed to refer the above letter and state that the Government has examined your proposal for financing a filmCalled' 'Mahabharat'. The Very High Level Committee constituted for this purpose has been in consultation with the Human Rights Commission, National Commission for Women and Labour Commission, in addition to various Ministries and State Governments, and have formed definitive opinionsAbout the script. Their observations are as below: 1. In the script submitted by you it was shown that there were two setsof cousins, namely, the Kauravas more...

A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.After the trial he asked the judge, Does this mean that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?"The judge said that was true."Does this mean I cannot call a pig, 'Mrs. Johnson'?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig 'Mrs. Johnson' with no fear of legal action.The man looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said..."Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson!"

Hard work spotlights the character of people; some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all!

...actress Cloris Leachman will revive her "Phyllis" TV character in a new sitcom this fall...the show will center around the character, now in her 70's, and suffering from venereal disease...show will be called "Sphyllis".

I am thy DOS, thou shall have no OS before me, unless Bill Gates
gets a cut of the profits therefrom.
Thy DOS is a character based, single user, single tasking,
standalone operating system. Thou shall not attempt to make DOS
network, multitask, or display a graphical user interface, for that
would be a gross hack.
Thy hard disk shall never have more than 1024 sectors. You don't
need that much space anyway.
Thy application program and data shall all fit in 640K of RAM.
After all, it's ten times what you had on a CP/M machine. Keep holy
this 640K of RAM, and clutter it not with device drivers, memory
managers, or other things that might make thy computer useful.
Thou shall use the one true slash character to separate thy
directory path. Thou shall learn and love this character, even though
it appears on no typewriter keyboard, and is unfamiliar.
Standardization on where that character is located on a computer
keyboard is more...