"Goi Goes Bollywood" joke

What will happen if the Government of India decides to become a commercial film financier, say of' Mahabharat'? Read on.... Government of India Ministry of Human Resources Development Department of Culture Films Division No. B1452/234/2003 Dt. 15. 5. 03To: Shri. B. R. Chopra, Film Director, Mumbai Ref: Your letter dt. 2. 12. 90 regarding financing of films by Govt ofIndia -story submitted by you - namely,' Mahabharat' The undersigned is directed to refer the above letter and state that the Government has examined your proposal for financing a filmCalled' 'Mahabharat'. The Very High Level Committee constituted for this purpose has been in consultation with the Human Rights Commission, National Commission for Women and Labour Commission, in addition to various Ministries and State Governments, and have formed definitive opinionsAbout the script. Their observations are as below: 1. In the script submitted by you it was shown that there were two setsof cousins, namely, the Kauravas numbering hundred and the Pandavas numbering five. The Ministry of Health and Family Welfare has pointed out thatthese numbers are high above the norm prescribed for the families by them. It is pointed out that when the Government is spending huge amounts for Promoting family planning, this will send wrong signals to the public. Therefore, it is decided that there shall be only three Kauravas and one Pandava. 2. The Ministry of Parliamentary Affairs has raised an issue whether it is suitable to depict kings and emperors in this democratic age. Therefore, it is decided that the Kauravas shall be depicted as Honorable Members of Parliament ( Rajya Sabha) and the Pandava shall be depicted as aHonorable Member of Parliament (Lok Sabha) 3. The manner of birth of Kauravas is suggestive of human cloning, a technology banned in India. It must be changed to normalbirth. 4. The National Commission for Women has objected that the father of Pandavas, one Sri Pandu, is depicted as bigamous, and there is only one wife for the Pandava in common. However, with the reduction in number of Pandavas this issue can be addressed. 5. The Commission for the Physically Challenged has observed that the portrayal of the visually impaired character' Dhritharastra' shall not be derogatory. Therefore it is decided that the character shall not be shown as visually impaired. 6. It is felt that showing the Pandava and the Kauravas as gamblers will be anti-social and counter productive. Therefore, they should be shown tohave engaged in horse racing. (Hon. SC has held racing not to be gambling) 7. The Pandavas were shown as working with the King of Virat desh without receiving any salary,. According to the Human Rights Commission, this amounts to bonded labour. This must be corrected at once. 8. In the ensuing war, the character' Abhimanyu' was shown as fighting. The National Labour Commission has observed that, war being ahazardous industry, and the said character being 13 years old, it can be construed as a case of child labour. This must be removed. 9. The character' Sri Krishna' is wearing a peacock feather, anoffence under the Wild Life Act. This must not be depicted. Also, Smt Maneka Gandhi has refused permission for using any elephants or horses in the warscenes. 10. In pursuance of the Memorandum of Ministry of Finance regarding austerity measures, it is informed that in the battlefieldsequences, only ten soldiers will be allowed for each side. Also, all the characters must be shown to have obtained a valid license under the Arms Act. You are therefore requested to modi fy the script along the lines indicated above and resubmit it to the undersigned at the earliest. Sd/- Under Secretary

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