Shown Jokes

October 28, 1958 - Angleo Giuseppe Roncalli was elected Pope. He took the name John XXIII.
TRADITION
Every time a new pope is elected, there are a lot of rituals and ceremonies that have to be gone through, in accordance with tradition. Well, there's one tradition that very few people know about.
Shortly after the new pope is enthroned, the chief rabbi seeks an audience. He is shown into the pope's presence, whereupon he presents him with a silver tray bearing a velvet cushion. On top of the cushion is an ancient, shriveled parchment envelope.
The pope symbolically stretches out his arm in a gesture of rejection.
The chief rabbi then retires, taking the envelope with him and does not return until the next pope is elected. John XXIII was intrigued by this ritual, whose origins were unknown to him. He instructed the best scholars of the Vatican to research it, but they came up with nothing. When the time came and the chief rabbi was shown into his presence, he more...

A Key to Scientific Research Literature
What is writtenTrue meaning
"It has long been known that..."I haven't bothered to look up the reference.
"While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to these questions..."The experiment didn't work out, but I figured I could at least get a publication out of it.
"The W-PO system was chosen for detailed study..."The lab next door already had some prepared.
"Three samples were chosen for detailed study..."The results on the others didn't make sense and were ignored.
"Accidentally strained during mounting..."Dropped on the floor.
"Handled with extreme care throughout the experiment..."Not dropped on the floor.
"Typical results are shown..."The best results are shown, i.e. those that fit the dogma.
Agreement with predicted curve:"Excellent" = fair
"Good" = poor
"Satisfactory" = more...

Five men were selecter for a survey. They were taken away to a hotel called the goldings. There they found the place covered top to bottom in golden fittnigs and furnishings, the doors were gold, the floor was gold, the roof was gold, the stairs were gold .Every thing in the lobby was gold.
They were shown to there rooms by a maid, she had golden hair, golden dress, golden tights, golden shoes, golden piney and a golden hat. She shown each man in to his room.
The rooms were decorated in yet more gold. Golden beds, golden pillows, golden windows, golden toothbrushes, golden chocolates, golden soap, golden bathrobes, golden pictures .
They woke up that morning to have a bath in a golden bath with golden taps, golden mirrors, golden tiles and a golden toilet.
They were led to the golden diningroom via the golden staircase. The dining room was exquist. Golden walls, golden chairs, golden table goldrn knives and falks, golden spoons and a golden table cloth.
Theh golden more...

The moon shown silver on the waters of the lake, and the waves that were beating on the shore were hardly equal in intensity to the waves of passion nearby. One ardent couple paused long enough for the young man towhisper, "Darling am I the first man to make love to you? " Her tone upon answering was slightly more than irritable. "Of course you are!" she said. "And also the best too. I don't know why you men always ask the same old ridiculous questions."

A hardworking female executive dies and meets St. Peter at the pearly gates and he says, "You've shown an outstanding aptitude for making business decisions. Choose whether you will go to heaven or to hell.""I don't know!" she flounders."Tell you what," St. Peter says, "You can have 24 hours in heaven and 24 hours in hell. Then you have to decide where to spend eternity.""Okay then," she says. "I'll start with heaven since I'm here already."She goes in the pearly gates and makes some acquaintances. They have a nice walk among beautiful gardens. They have a nice quiet lunch. They have a nice stroll along a pristine, white, sandy beach looking out on brilliant blue ocean. At the end of the day she is shown to a nice room, and has a quiet meal on the balcony, looking out over the setting sun and the ocean. She marvels at the scenic beauty of heaven.The next morning, St. Peter takes her to the fiery gates of hell and hands her more...