"A Guide to Effective Scientific Communication" joke

Phrase Translation
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It has long been known I haven't bothered to look up the
reference
It is believed I think
It is generally believed A couple of other guys think so too
It is not unreasonable to If you believe this, you'll believe
assume anything
Of great theoretical I find it kind of interesting
importance
Of great practical importance I can get some mileage out of it
Typical results are shown The best results are shown
3 samples were chosen for The others didn't make sense, so
further study we ignored them
The 4 hour sample was not I dropped it on the floor
studied
The 4 hour determination may I dropped it on the floor, but
not be significant scooped most of it up
The significance of these Look at the pretty artifact
results is unclear
It has not been possible to The experiment was negative, but
provide definitive answers at least I can publish the data
somewhere
Correct within an order of Wrong
magnitude
It might be argued that I have such a good answer for this
objection that I shall now raise it
Much additional work will be This paper is not very good, but
required neither are all the others in this
miserable field
These investigations proved My grant is going to be renewed
highly rewarding
I thank X for assistance X did the experiment and Y explained
with the experiments and it to me
Y for useful discussions
on the interperetation of
the data