"A key to scientific research literature" joke

A Key to Scientific Research Literature
What is writtenTrue meaning
"It has long been known that..."I haven't bothered to look up the reference.
"While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to these questions..."The experiment didn't work out, but I figured I could at least get a publication out of it.
"The W-PO system was chosen for detailed study..."The lab next door already had some prepared.
"Three samples were chosen for detailed study..."The results on the others didn't make sense and were ignored.
"Accidentally strained during mounting..."Dropped on the floor.
"Handled with extreme care throughout the experiment..."Not dropped on the floor.
"Typical results are shown..."The best results are shown, i.e. those that fit the dogma.
Agreement with predicted curve:"Excellent" = fair
"Good" = poor
"Satisfactory" = Doubtful
"Fair" = Imaginary
"Correct within an order of magnitude..."Wrong.
"Of great theoretical and practical importance..."Interesting to me.
"It is suggested that...
it is believed that...
it appears that..."I think.
"It is generally believed that..."A couple of other people think so too.
"The most reliable results are those obtained by Jones..."Jones was my graduate student.
"Fascinating work..."Work by a member of our group.
"Of doubtful significance..."Work done by someone else.