Charge Jokes / Recent Jokes
A POLICE officer caught a young street goonda beating up another.
'You are charged under Section 324 of the Indian Penal Code for causing physical injury to this man he said with authority.
'Sir, pleaded the goonda,' I am young. Kindly reduce the offence form Section 324 IPC to something lower. I will do whatever Sewa I can.'
'All right, I will reduce it by 17 and charge you under Section 307 IPC (causing serious injury).
'Can't you make it a little lower?' pleaded the culprit.
'I could. Instead of reducing it by 17, 1 could reduce it by 22 and charge you under Section 302' (murder).
'May Hazoor live long,' said the grateful goonda.
Murphy, a dishonest lawyer, bribed one of his client's jurors to hold out for a charge of manslaughter, fearing the murder charge being brought by the state. The jury was out for days before returning with the verdict:
manslaughter!
Later, as Murphy paid off the corrupt juror, he asked him if he had a hard time convincing the other jurors to see things his way.
"Boy, did I!" said the juror. "They kept voting to acquit!"
An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site.
The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy,' You're in charge of sweeping.'
To the Scotsman he says,' You're in charge of shoveling.'
And to the Chinese guy,' You're in charge of supplies.'
He then says,' Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile.'
So the foreman goes away for a couple hours and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched.
He asks the Italian,' Why didn't you sweep any of it?'
The Italian replies,' I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinese a fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere.'
Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says,' And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile.'
The Scotsman replies,' Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of more...
General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKensie asks: "So how are your men?"
"Very well trained, Gral. McKenzie."
"I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they're the bravest men all over the country." "Well, my men are very brave, too."
"I'd like to see that."
So Marshall calls private Cooper and says: "Private Johnson! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!"
"Are you crazy? It'd kill me, you idiot! I'm out of here!" As private Johnson ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said:
"You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general."
A new client meets a famous lawyer. Client: Can you tell me how much do you charge?
Lawyer: I charge $200 to answer three questions!
Client: Well that’s a bit steep, isn’t it?
Lawyer: Yes it is, and what’s your third question?
The Barber
A priest walked into a barber shop in Washington, D.C. After he got
his haircut, he asked how much it would be. The barber said, "No
charge. I consider it a service to the Lord."
The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 prayer
books and a thank you note from the priest in front of the door.
Later that day, a police officer came in and got his hair cut. He
then asked how much it was. The barber said, "No charge. I consider
it a service to the community."
The next morning, he came to work and there were a dozen donuts and
a thank you note from the police officer.
Then, a Senator came in and got a haircut. When he was done he asked
how much it was. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a
service to the country."
The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 Senators
in front of the door.
Construction, and many more....!
"Construction site"
An Italian, Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction
site. The manager points out a huge pile of sand and says to the
Italian, "You're in charge of sweeping". To the Irishman, "You're in
charge of shovelling". To the Chinese guy, "And you're in charge of
supplies".
"Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a
dent in that pile."
So the manager goes away for a couple of hours. And when he returns,
the pile of sand is untouched. He says to the Italian, "Why didn't you
sweep any of it?
The Italian guy replies, "I didn't have a broom. You said the Chinese
guy was in charge of the supplies, but he disappeared and I couldn't
find him."
So then the manager turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel.
The Irishman replies, "I couldn't get more...