Charge Jokes / Recent Jokes

Sign over a gynecologist's office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
On a Plumbers truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
On the trucks of a local plumbing company;
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
Pizza shop slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."
At a tire shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
At a laundry shop:
"How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?"
At a towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
On an electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
In a nonsmoking area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
On a maternity room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
At an optometrist's office:
"If you don't see more...

A man went into a lawyer's office, and demanded to see the lawyer. He was escorted into the lawyer's office.
The man needed legal help, but he knew how expensive lawyers could be, so he inquired, "Can you tell me how much you charge?"
"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $500 to answer three questions."
"Don't you think that's an awful lot of money to answer three questions?"
"Yes it is", answered the lawyer, "What's your third question?"

DURING his stay in Sohna, Haryana, the Opposition leader felt he needed a haircut and sent for a local barber. At the end of the operation, the barber demanded a price double that of the usual charge. "I have so little hair on my head," complained Raja Sahib. "Why are you charging so much?"
The Haryanvi nai replied: "Double charge kaatnay ka rta laiven baal dhoondhna ka leiven sai (I am not charging you double for cutting but looking for your hair)."

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighbouring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur's youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer. If, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed.

The question was: What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. Well, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: The princess, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, the court jester.

In all, he spoke with everyone but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

What most people did tell him was to consult the old witch, as only she would know the answer. The price would more...

MEMO TO: All Hospital Staff
FROM: Administration/Groundskeeper
SUBJECT: New Cost Cutting Measures
Effective January 1 this hospital will no longer provide security. Each charge nurse will be issued a. 38 caliber revolver and 12 rounds of ammunition. An additional 12 rounds will be stored in the pharmacy. In addition to routine nursing duties, Charge Nurses will rotate the patrolling of the hospital grounds. A bicycle and helmet will be provided for patrolling the park areas.
In light of the similarity of monitoring equipment, ICU will now take over the security surveillance duties. The unit secretary will be responsible for watching cardio and security monitors as well as continuing previous secretarial duties.
Food service will be discontinued. Patients wishing to be fed will need to let their families know to bring something, or may make arrangements with Subway, Domino's, etc., before meal time. Coin-operated telephones will be available in the patient more...

A nursing assistant, floor nurse, and charge nurse from a small nursing home were taking a lunch break in the break room. In walks a lady dressed in silk scarves and wearing large polished stoned jewelry.

"I am' Gina the Great'," stated the lady. "I am so pleased with the way you have taken care of my aunt that I will now grant the next three wishes!" With a wave of her hand and a puff of smoke, the room was filled with flowers, fruit and bottles of drink, proving that she did have the power to grant wishes before any of the nurses could think otherwise.

The nurses quickly argued among themselves as to which one would ask for the first wish. Speaking up, the nursing assistant wished first.

"I wish I were on a tropical island beach, with single, well-built men feeding me fruit and tending to my every need." With a puff of smoke, the nursing assistant was gone.

The floor nurse went next. "I wish I were rich more...

Cool REAL Signs!
At a radiator shop (A-1 Radiator) "Best Place in Town to take a Leak"
Sign over a gynecologist's office "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
On a Plumbers truck: "We repair what your husband tried to fix."
On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."
At a tire shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout"
Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "Hello. Can we pick your nose or would you rather do it"
At a laundry shop: "How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?"
At a towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
On an electrician's truck "Let us remove your shorts."
In a non-smoking area: "If we more...