Chase Jokes / Recent Jokes
One Saturday, Little Johnny's bored, so he says to his father, "Dad, I'm bored. What's there to do?"
His dad decides to have a little fun with him, so he gives Johnny four quarters. "Here, son," his father says, "why don't you go to the drugstore and get me some 'what's what'?"
Excited, although somewhat baffled, Johnny rushes down the street to the drugstore. He approaches the druggist and asks him for some 'what's what'. Initially, the druggist is confused, but soon guesses that this kid has been sent out on a wild goose chase.
"I'm sorry, young man, we don't have any, but that building over there might," the druggist says, as he points towards a whorehouse.
Filled with excitement, Johnny races over to the whorehouse. He knocks on the door and a naked woman answers it.
"I need some... hey, what's that?" Johnny says, motioning to her crotch.
"What's what?" she replies.
Satisfied, Johnny says, more...
Finally admitting he was grossly overweight, this man decided it was time to take advantage of a special introductory offer from a new weight loss clinic in town. After handing over his payemnt he was shown to an empty room where he was soon joined by a gorgeous blond. "Hi," she said. "If you catch me, I'm yours."
It took a while, but after a prolonged chase he succeeded - and was delighted to find he'd lost ten pounds in the process. After that he gave up all ideas of dieting and managed to drop ten more pounds with a brunette and eight with a redhead. But he was still fifty pounds overweight, so he decided to sign up for the clinic's more drastic program. He was waiting eagerly in an empty room when the door opened and in came a three-hundred pound gay guy who grinned and said, "If I catch you, you're mine."
Follow them everywhere.
Moo when they say your name.
Pretend to have amnesia.
Say everything backwards.
Give yourself a swirly.
Run around with a lamp shade on your head yelling, "The sun!!! It's dying!!!"
Run into walls.
Sing at the top of your lungs while running around the house in your underwear (or naked for that matter).
Have nervous breakdowns at spontaneous times.
Say that wearing clothes is against your religion.
Pretend to worship the devil.
Stand over them at 4 in the morning with a HUGE grin on your face and yell, "Good morning sunshine!!!"
Snort loudly when you laugh and then laugh harder.
Run in circles.
Recite a whole movie 3 times.
Pretend to beat yourself up.
Pluck someone's hair out and yell, "DNA!!!"
Slither everywhere.
Wear a sticker that says, "i'm a retard!!!"
Wear your pants on your head and your shirt on your waist... tell them you're making a more...
What's the best form of birth control after 50? Nudity What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? 45 lbs. What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45 minutes. What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife. Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking? Because those men already have boyfriends. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. Why does the bride always wear white? Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator. How do you know when you're really ugly? Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed. How do you know when you're leading a more...
My wife said to me, "George, it is about time that you learned golf - you know, golf - that's the game where you chase a ball all over the country when you are too old to chase women."
So I went to see Jones and asked him if he would teach me how to play. He said, "Sure, you've got balls, haven't you?" "Yes," I said, "Sometimes on cold mornings they're kinda hard to find."
"Bring them to the clubhouse tomorrow," he said, "and we have to tee off in front of the clubhouse." "Not for me," I said, "You can tee off there if you want to but I'll tee off behind the barn somewhere."
"No, no," he said, "a tee is a little thing about the size of your little finger." "Yeah, I got one of those." "Well," he said, "You stick it in the ground and put your ball on top of it." I asked, "Do you play golf sitting down? I always thought that you stood up and more...
1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.
2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which present is contained, and close door.
3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.
4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.
7. Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit, and collect string.
9. Remove present from bag.
10. Remove cat from bag.
11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
13. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight.
14. Throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors and tore the paper.
15. Cut second sheet of paper to size by more...