Chase Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why did the poor dog chase his own tail? He was trying to make both ends meet!

We do not advise following any of the below driving rules to any extent. Driving should be taken seriously at all times. The below jokes are simply here for entertainment purposes.
When using a metered entrance ramp, vehicles in the carpool lane do not need to stop. Similarly, vehicles NOT in the diamond lane also do not need to stop.
If, at any time, you have witnessed a green light, it is okay to proceed through the intersection, regardless of the current color of the light.
The shoulder becomes a lane if you are driving a Porsche.
If you paid more than $60, 000 for your car, you automatically have the right of way, regardless of the situation. This is especially applicable in parking lots.
Drive as quickly as possible through parking structures. Pass any open spot by at least four car lengths before backing up to claim it. Disregard the angry mob that has formed behind you.
Get to know your horn. Use it as often as possible.
While driving on the more...

A little old lady walked into the head branch of the Chase ManhattanBank holding a large paper bag in her hand. She told the young manat the window that she wished to take the 3 million she had in thebag and open an account with the bank. She said that first, though, she wished to meet the president of Chase Manhattan Bank due to theamount of money involved.The teller seemed to think that was a reasonable request and afteropening the paper bag and seeing the bundles of 1,000 bills whichamounted to right around 3 million, telephoned the bank's secretaryto obtain an appointment for the lady.The lady was escorted upstairs and ushered into the president'soffice. Introductions were made and she stated that she would liketo get to know the people she did business with on a more personallevel. The bank president then asked her where she came into such alarge amount of money. "Was it an inheritance?" he asked. "No." sheanswered. "Was it from playing the stock more...

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? -

Well, it's the same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving

Manufactured by: MOMCATT - Makers Of Many CATTs
Anytown USA (Offices around the World)

FEATURES

Low Power CPU
Self Portable Operation
Dual Video Inputs
Dual Audio Inputs
Audio Output
Main Input Multiplexed with Error Output
Auto Search for Input Data
Auto Search for Output Bin
Auto Learn Program in ROM
Auto Sleep When Not in Use
Wide Operating Temperature Range
Self Cleaning

Production Details

After basic construction, the unit undergoes 6 weeks of ROM
programming and burn-in testing. MOMCATT will typically reject
inferior products, but sometimes people will salvage rejected units.

These factory seconds may or may not perform the same as units that
pass the standard acceptance testing. All of the previously listed
features are installed during this interval. Since MOMCATT uses many
different suppliers, there is wide variation between the more...

Q. How do you Scare a Man? A. Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice. Q. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? A. The same urge that makes dogs chase cars that they have no intention of driving. Q. What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift to women? A. Exchange him. Q. What's a man's idea of a perfect date? A. A woman who answers the door stark naked holding a six pack. Q. Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? A. To stop the snoring before it starts. Q. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. Q. How do you get a man to exercise? A. Tie the TV remote control to his shoelaces. Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? A. We don't know. It's never happened. Q. Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years? A. Because, even back then men wouldn't stop to ask for directions. Q. What is a man's idea of safe sex? A. A padded headboard. more...

Easy code system to communicate with other cat owners and with the animal clinic.
Sex:
XFemale, spayed, no interest.
X+Female, spayed, but still interested.
X++Female, intact, but not particularly excitable.
X+++I am a kitten factory.
YMale, neutered, no interest.
Y+Male, neutered, but still interested.
Y++Male, intact, but not particularly excitable.
Y+++I would go through a burning building to get at a female in heat.
Size ("largeness"):
L-I fit easily into your shirt pocket.
L-I can curl up in two cupped hands.
L-I'm somewhere between kitten-sized and average.
LI'm average cat size, just right for your lap.
L+I'm starting to slip off the side of your lap.
L++I'm large enough to make a German Shepherd think twice.
L+++People sometimes mistake me for a mountain lion.
Weight:
W-I'm so thin that you can count my bones.
W-I'm slim, but healthy.
WI'm an average cat, not too thin and not too more...