Chauffer Jokes

One day, Mahathir and his chauffer were riding around in Negeri Sembilan when suddenly, out of nowhere, a big pig ran out of a bush. They could not stop the limousine in time and the pig was splattered on the road. Mahathir, afraid of being accused for anything, immediately gave the chauffer R1000 and told him to go into the owners' hut, apologize for the loss and give him some compensation. Mahathir waited in the limousine for a long time, but his chauffer did not come back. Finally, after a two hour wait, the chauffer came back, his tie and collar loose, pants unbuttoned, bleary eyed with beer and lipstick stains all over his shirt and clutching an empty bottle of champagne in one hand and what seems like a R5000 note in the other. Mahathir asked,' How in the world did you end up like this.'' Well,' the chauffer said,' The farmer was so happy, he shook hands with me, took out R5000 from his own wallet, had his sons pour out a bottle of champagne for me and had his daughters make hot more...

Saddam is riding in his limo in the Iraqi countryside when there is a sudden bump and the limo stops. The chauffer gets out, walks around the car and reports to Saddam, "I just killed a pig. I think it came from that peasant's hut by the road."So Saddam tells him to go and tell the peasant that he is Saddam Hussein's chauffer and that he just killed the pig and that the peasant must be happy because it really is a big honor, to have a pig killed by the president's limo.
The chauffer goes inside the hut and disappears. About an hour later he returns very drunk, smoking a cigar, and looking extremely happy."What happened there?" asks Saddam."I went inside, I said what you told me to say, and the peasant hugged me and thanked me, and threw a party in my honor and gave me this cigar.""And what exactly did you tell him?""I said' I'm Saddam Hussein's chauffer and I just killed the pig!'"