Champagne Jokes

A man enters a restaurant and while sitting at his table, notices a gorgeous woman sitting at another table, alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for the most expensive bottle of champagne to be sent over to her -- knowing that if she accepts it, she is his.

The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying this is from the gentleman. She looks at the champagne and decides to send a note with the bottle back over to the man.

The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, $1M in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."

WELL, the man, after reading this note, sends one of his own back to her and it read: "Just so you know -- I happen to have TWO Mercedes in my garage, I have over $2M in the bank, but not even for YOU, would I cut off 2 inches! Send the bottle back."

One day, Mahathir and his chauffer were riding around in Negeri Sembilan when suddenly, out of nowhere, a big pig ran out of a bush. They could not stop the limousine in time and the pig was splattered on the road. Mahathir, afraid of being accused for anything, immediately gave the chauffer R1000 and told him to go into the owners' hut, apologize for the loss and give him some compensation. Mahathir waited in the limousine for a long time, but his chauffer did not come back. Finally, after a two hour wait, the chauffer came back, his tie and collar loose, pants unbuttoned, bleary eyed with beer and lipstick stains all over his shirt and clutching an empty bottle of champagne in one hand and what seems like a R5000 note in the other. Mahathir asked,' How in the world did you end up like this.'' Well,' the chauffer said,' The farmer was so happy, he shook hands with me, took out R5000 from his own wallet, had his sons pour out a bottle of champagne for me and had his daughters make hot more...

A chicken farmer goes into a local tavern, takes a seat at the bar next to a woman, and orders a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"

He turns to her and says,

"What a coincidence. This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."

"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating," says the woman.

"What a coincidence," says the man. They clink glasses and he asks, "What are you celebrating?"

"My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynaecologist told me I'm pregnant!"

"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."

"That's great," says the woman. "How did your chickens become fertile?"

"I switched cocks," more...

A Texan, a Californian, and a Nevadan were out riding their horses.
The Texan pulled out an expensive bottle of whiskey, took a long draught, then another, and then suddenly threw it into the air, pulled out his gun and shot the bottle in midair.
The Californian looked at the Texan and said, "What are you doing? That was a perfectly good bottle of whiskey!! The Texan replied, "In Texas, there`s plenty of whiskey and bottles are cheap.
A while later, not wanted to be outdone, the Californian pulled out a bottle of champagne, took a few sips, threw the half full champagne bottle into the air, pulled out his gun, and shot it in midair.
The Nevadan couldn`t believe this and said "What the heck did you that for? That was an expensive bottle of champagne!! The Californian replied, "In California there is plenty of champagne and bottles are cheap."
A while later, the Nevadan pulled out a bottle of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. He opened it, took a more...

It was the wedding night for a young couple and the groom wanted everything
to be just perfect. He arranged to stay in the Honeymoon Suite of a plush
hotel, and he and his new bride eagerly jumped into the heart-shaped bed
to make love for the first time (at least for him). After making wild and
passionate love for a considerate length of time, they both reached the
climactic moment simultaneously, slipping into a state of utmost
relaxation. At this point, the groom reaches for the telephone.
"What on earth do you think you are doing?" asks the young bride
"Well, I wanted everything to be perfect, so I thought I should call room
service for a bottle of their finest champagne," came the reply
"Well, I used to date Arnold Palmer, and when Arnold and I finished making love
we would wait 10 minutes and make love again," the young groom was informed.
"If that's what you are used to, I will be glad to more...