Chauffeur Jokes / Recent Jokes
When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work.
One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.
"I have and idea, boss," his chauffeur said. "I've heard you give this speech so many times. I'll bet I could give it for you."
Einstein laughed loudly and said, "Why not? Let's do it!"
When they arrive at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein's speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody's more...
When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit,
he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory
work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken
dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat
resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of
speechmaking.
"I have and idea, boss," his chauffeur said. "I've heard you give this
speech so many times. I'll bet I could give it for you." Einstein
laughed loudly and said, "Why not? Let's do it!"
When they arrive at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur's cap
and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a
beautiful rendition of Einstein's speech and even answered a few
questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor ask an extremely esoteric question
about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone
in the audience know more...
The Pope had just finished a tour of the East Coast, USA, and was taking a limousine to the airport.
Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could drive for a while. Well, the chauffeur didn't have much of a choice, so he climbs in the back of the limo and the Pope takes the wheel.
The Pope proceeds onto Highway 95, and starts accelerating to see what the limo could do. He gets to about 90 mph, and suddenly he sees the blue lights of the State Patrol in his mirror.
He pulls over and the trooper comes to his window. The trooper, seeing who it was, says, "Just a moment please, I need to call in."
The trooper calls in and asks for the chief. He tells the chief that he's got a REALLY important person pulled over, and asks how he should handle it.
"It's not Ted Kennedy again is it?" replies the chief.
"No Sir!" replied the trooper, "This guy's more important."
"Is more...
A couple hired a new chauffeur. The Memsahib asked him to take her out shopping and was very shaken by the experience. Back home she pleaded with her husband,' Please dear, you must sack this new chauffeur at once. He is so rash, he nearly killed me three times this morning!'' Darling, don't be so hasty,' replied the husband,' give him another chance.'
A rich society lady was being driven home in the rain when her Rolls Royce gets a puncture. The car slowly stopped, and the chauffeur got out. After a long delay the society lady wound down the window. "Do you want a screwdriver?" she asked. The chauffeur shrugged. "Might as well," he said," I can't get this bloody hub cap off!!!
Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving in the country and accidentally hit and killed a pig that had wandered out on a country road. Limbaugh told the chauffeur to drive up to the farm and apologize to the farmer.
They drove up to the farm, the chauffeur got out and knocked on the front door and was let in. He was in there for what seemed like hours. When the chauffeur came out, Limbaugh was confused about why his driver had been in there so long.
“Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife brought me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses. ” explained the driver.
“What did you tell the farmer? ” Limbaugh asked.
The chauffeur replied, “I told him I was Rush Limbaugh’s driver and I’d just killed the pig. ”
A renowned philosopher was held in high regard by his chauffeur, who listened in awe at every speech while his boss would easily answer questions about morality and ethics.
Then one day the chauffeur approached the philosopher and asked if he was willing to switch roles for the evening's lecture. The philosopher agreed and, for a while, the chauffeur handled himself remarkably well.
When it came time for questions from the guests, a woman in the back asked, "Is the epistemological view of the universe still valid in an existentialist world?"
"That is an extremely simple question," he responded.
"So simple, in fact, that even my driver could answer that, which is exactly what he will do."