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A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned somethingabout his girlfriend being out in the car.The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk's buddy, Pete, and his girlfriend going at it in the back-seat. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend.The drunk staggered outside to the car, saw Pete and his girlfriendentwined, then walked back into the bar laughing. "What's so funny?" thebartender asked."That damned Pete!" the drunk chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!"

Once Santa Singh Entered A Cybercafe To Check His Mails. It Was Crowded So He Had To Wait. As He Waited He Saw A Man Checking His Mails. He Stood Behind Him And Watched. The Man Typed His Password And Was Waiting When Santa Singh Cried Out'Yes Yes I Know Your Password. I Can Read Your Mails Now.
"Surprised The Man Asked "Oh Yeah, Tell Me What Is It".
Santa Singh Replied " Five Stars."

The official year 2000 Redneck Census Form: Last name: _______________________First name: (Check appropriate box)(_)Billy-Bob(_)Billy-Joe(_)Billy-Ray(_)Billy-Sue(_)Billy-Mae(_)Billy-JackWhat does everyone call you?(_)Booger(_)Bubba(_)Junior(_)Sissy(_)Other____________Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)Sex: ____ M ____ F ____Not sureShoe size: ____ Left ____ RightOccupation:(Check appropriate box)(_)Farmer(_)Mechanic(_)Hair Dresser(_)Unemployed(_)Dirty Politician(_)PreacherSpouse's Name: _____________2nd Spouse's Name: _______________3rd Spouse's Name: _______________Lover's Name: _______________Relationship with spouse:(Check appropriate box)(_)Sister(_)Brother(_)Aunt(_)Uncle(_)Cousin (_)Mother(_)Father(_)Son(_)Daughter(_)PetNumber of children living in the home: _____Number of the children living in the shed: _____Number that are yours: _____Mother's Name: ____________________(If not sure, leave blank)Father's Name: ____________________(If not sure, leave blank)Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle more...

You Might Be An Internet Addict If...

You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue as to when it happened.

Your bookmark list takes 15 minutes to go from top to bottom.

Your nightmares are in HTML and GIFS.

You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

You start introducing yourself as "Jim at net dot com"

Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address on TV.

You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.

Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.

All of your friends have an @ in their names.

When looking at a web page full of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.

Your dog has its own home more...

Avoid models that stall during use.
Check the odo(ur)meter regularly.
Avoid completely blocking the air intake.
Take care not to allow too much steam or moisture to build up when away from home.
Keep locked in the garage when not in use.
Ensure any problems are clearly expressed on the facia.
Check for pulling attachments.
Security: ensure no Joy riders can get their hands on it.
If necessary, fit an alarm.
See if the coil needs replacing.
Take it for a good thrash around
Are you allowed to take passengers with this model?
Watch out for nasty emissions.
Keep all leather accessories in order.
If necessary, fit a silencer.
Or use the choke and throttle properly.
For your own safety, never attempt to handle when drunk.
Check the hooters. If necessary, give it the horn.
Verify that airbags come out when required. Fit extra padding if necessary.
NEVER let your friends have a go.
Never make the mistake of more...

Sheldon Scheney sent me this article in response to my post about the competition between San Jose's Mayor's office and San Jose's Police department as to which was funnier.
I had heard about the drug lord wedding sting. I always enjoy a good sting. The pawn shop sting was used successfully in Washington DC a few years ago. One of my favorites, if not quite a sting, was back when truckers were forming convoys to scoff the 55 mile an hour speed limit. Maryland State Police had an 18 wheeler they had confiscated hauling something illegal, so they used it as an unmarked police car. It would infiltrate convoys, identify the trucks, one by one as it either passed them or was passed by them, then the whole convoy was stopped and everybody ticketed.
Another I enjoyed was last December as I was driving up route 95 - a favorite highway up the east coast from Florida past many east coast cities like Washington, Baltimore, Philadelphia, New York, heavily used by drug traffickers and more...

Dumb Indiana laws and humor, relating to many aspects of the state, its weather, and its people.

Indiana Crazy Law Looking for more dumb laws? Check out!
One man may not back into a parking spot becasue it prevents police officers from seeing the license plate.

Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March.

All males 18 to 50 years old must work six days a year on public roads.

Mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a tendency to habitually kiss other humans.

Hotel sheets must be exactly 99 inches long and 81 inches wide.

State government officials who engage in private duels can be dismissed from their post.

Drinking from your own bottle in a bar can lead to your arrest.

A man over the age of 18 may be arrested for statutory rape if the passenger in his car is not wearing her socks and shoes, and is under the age of 17.

It is illegal to sell cars on more...