Checkout Jokes / Recent Jokes

I was shopping at our local supermarket. When I got to the checkout line, there was a beautiful young blonde ahead ofme. As she placed her groceries on the checkout stand, the bagger asked her,"Paper or plastic?""It doesn't matter," she replied, "I'm bisacksual."

A woman was waiting in the checkout line at a shopping center. Her arms were heavily laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her agitated state of mind and angry demeanor, it was obvious she was in a hurry and not happy about the slownessof the line.
When the cashier called for a price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked indignantly, "Well, I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before Christmas!"
"Don't worry, ma'am," replied the clerk. "With that wind kicking up out there and that brand new broom you have, you'll be home in no time."

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. "Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently." "I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?" "Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say' Good bye, Mother'? It would make me feel so much better." "Sure," answered the young man.
As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!" As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. "How can that be?" He asked, "I only purchased a few things!" "Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the cler

A young man walking through a supermarket noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.

''Pardon me,'' she said,' 'I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently.''

''I'm very sorry,'' replied the young man,' 'is there anything I can do for you?''

''Yes,'' she said,' 'As I'm leaving, can you say' Good bye, Mother!'? It would make me feel so much better.''

''Sure,'' answered the young man.

As the old woman was leaving, he called out,' 'Goodbye, Mother!''

As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50.

''How can that be?'' he asked,' 'I only purchased a few things!''

''Your mother said that you would pay for her,'' said the clerk.

I was shopping at our local supermarket. When I got to the checkout line, there was a beautiful young blonde ahead ofme. As she placed her groceries on the checkout stand, the bagger asked her,"Paper or plastic?" "It doesn't matter," she replied, "I'm bisacksual."

A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three-year-old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies, and her mother told her "no." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don't be upset. It won't be long."He passed the mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little girl began to shout for candy. When she was told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "There, there, Ellen, don't cry. Only two more aisles to go, and then we'll be checking out."The man happened to be behind the pair in the checkout line, where the little girl began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering her mother would not buy any gum. "Ellen, we'll be through this checkout stand in five minutes, and then you can go home and have a nice nap," the mother said.The man more...

A guy was at the supermarket and after buying a few things he began to queue up in this really long line for the checkout.
After about 15 minutes in the line he reached the checkout girl and just at that moment he remembered that he needed some condoms. Not wanting to line up again he said to the girl "Oh I meant to buy some condoms but forgot"
"Do you know what size you are?" she asked. "No," he replied.
"OK drop your pants and I'll tell you what size you are".
The guy then, not being the shy type, drops his trousers and the girl has a feel with her hand and then says in the microphone "1 packet of large condoms to aisle 3 please", he pulls up his trousers, the condoms are brought to him and he pays his bill and goes on his way. Another male customer sees this and thinks he'd like to have this nice girl fondling his prick and so says the same thing to the girl.
A similar course of events takes place, only this more...