Checkout Jokes / Recent Jokes

(I heard this from an MIT grad, who says it's a classic).
A student pushes a loaded shopping cart up to the express checkout
lane at a Cambridge grocery store. The cashier looks at the cart,
looks at the student, looks at the "EXPRESS-EIGHT ITEMS OR LESS"
sign, and says to the student, "Are you from Harvard, where they
don't know how to count, or MIT, where they don't know how to read?"

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.
"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently."
"I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?"
"Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say' Good bye, Mother!'? It would make me feel so much better."
"Sure," answered the young man.
As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!"
As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50.
"How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"
"Your mother said that you would more...

Further evidence that if you try to make something' Idiot Proof,' the universe will invent better idiots.... Herewith, some [more] evidence that the gene pool may need a little chlorine: ----------

Sign in a gas station: Coke -- 49 cents. Two for a dollar.

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I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt.

So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched. --------

Warning!

At a grocery store in San Jose, they have new credit card / bank card readers at the checkout stands. If you don't more...

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally, he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.
"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son who just died recently."
"I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "Is there anything I can do for you?"
"Yes," she said. "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Goodbye mother'? It would make me feel much better."
"Sure," answered the young man. As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye mother!"
As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. "How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"
"Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the more...

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.
"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who I haven't seen in a long time."
"That's a shame," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?"
"Yes," she said, "as I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother!' It would make me feel so much better."
"Sure," answered the young man.
As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Good-bye, Mother!"
As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $227.95.
"How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"
"Your mother said that you would more...

A man observed a woman in a supermarket with a little girl seated in her shopping cart. As they passed the bakery section, the little girl asked for a cookie and her mother told her, "No!"
The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said calmly, "Now, Connie, we just have half of the aisles left to go through, so don't be upset. It won't be long now."
They soon came to the candy aisle and the little girl began to yell for candy. When she was told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "Now, now, Connie, don't cry... only two more aisles to go and then we'll be checking out."
When they finally got to the checkout, the little girl immediately began to reach for the gum. When she was told there wouldn't be any gum purchased, she burst into a terrible tantrum. The mother said serenely, "Connie, we'll be through the checkout in a few minutes and then you can go home and have a nice nap."
The more...