Cheek Jokes / Recent Jokes

*THE FOLLOWING BIT IS PROUDLY SPONSORED BY W. SHAKESPEARE INTERNATIONAL PLC*
He jests at scars that never felt a wound.
But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
WHAT?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon
IT'S THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!
Who is already sick and pale with grief
WILL YOU PISS OFF - WE'RE TRYING TO SLEEP
That thou, her maid, art far more fair than she
I'M WARNING YOU, IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP...
Be not her maid, since she is envious.
I'M GONNA COME DOWN THERE, AND SMASH YOUR BLOODY FACE IN
Her vestal livery is but sick and green
WILL YOU PUT A BLOODY SOCK IN IT?
And none but fools do wear it: cast it off
I'M GOING TO CAST YOU RIGHT OFF THIS BALCONY IF YOU'RE NOT CAREFUL
It is my lady, O it is my love
LOOK, ONE MORE STANZA OUT OF YOU AND I'LL CALL THE POLICE
O that she knew she were
HELLO, POLICE?
She speaks, yet she more...

This bloke went into a nightclub and saw a gorgeous honey sitting by herself at the bar, he asked her to dance. She agreed and they took to the dance floor for a slow one. While they were cheek to cheek, the guy said, "You really smell terrific. What's that you have on?"The flattered girl told him it was Chanel #5. Then wanting to return the compliment, she said, "You smell good, too. What is it that you have on?""Well, I've got a hardon, but I didn't think you could smell it," the guy replied.

This hippie walks into a bar, and thinks it's a restaurant. He walks up to the counter, and says to the barkeep, "I want a hot dog, not too hot, not too cold, but in the groove." So the barkeep walks into the back room, and tells this to the manager, who is in a bad mood. The manager says, "Well, give him whatever he wants, then get him out of here." The barkeep heads back into the main room, posing as a waiter. "Anything else," he questions. The hippie replies, "Yeah, I want a milkshake, not too thick, not too thin, but in the groove." Again, the barkeep relays this to his manager, who is getting more frusterated as the night goes on. He yells, "Fine, I already told you, give him what he wants and get him out of here!"So the barkeep returns to the hippie. "That was a hot dog and a milkshake, right?" "Yeah," the hippie says, "but scratch the hot dog. I want a hamburger, not to rare, not too well-done, but in more...