Chicken Jokes / Recent Jokes
Santa goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken.
The cocky young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says: "OK, old fellow, time to retire."
The old rooster says: "You can't handle all these chickens, look what it did to me!"
The young rooster replies: "Now don't give me a hassle about this old man. It's time for the old to step aside and the young take over, so take a hike!"
The old rooster says: "Aw, c'mon, just let me have those two old hens over there in the corner. I won't bother you."
The young rooster snarls: "Scram! Beat it! You're washed up! I'm taking over!"
The old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young rooster: "I'll tell you what, young fellow, I'll have a race around the farm house with you. Whoever wins the race gets full domain over the chicken coop."
The young rooster smiles: "You know I'm going to beat you, old man. So just to be more...
JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the “other side. ” That’s what “they” call it: the “other side. ” Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like “the other side. ” That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It’s as plain and simple as that.
KEN STARR:
I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the President of the United States of America in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president’s ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and more...
A Chicken and an Egg were lying in bed one night. The chicken smoking a cigarette with a smug grin on its face, the egg looking thoroughly ticked off. The egg looks at the chicken and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"
Flash - New Weapon in America's Arsenal - Dubbed' The Chicken Gun'Senate majority leader Howard H. Baker Jr., expressed astonishment to the Senate, over recent news accounts of an Air Force "chicken gun." It seems the gun is a converted 20-foot cannon capable of hurling dead four-pound chickens at airplanes at 700 miles per hour. .. The armament is used to help find ways to reduce accidents caused by jets hitting birds." My first reaction to this story was one of bitterness," Baker told colleagues." I wonder why a' special classified briefing' had not been set up for members of Congress on the new chicken gun and I wondered if Secretary of Defense Casper Weinberger was planning one." Baker also wondered aloud "how far along the Soviet Union is with the deployment of their' chicken gun', and how will our Minuteman, Midgetman and Sparrow missles get along with this new weapon..."Baker went on to wonder if the Navy might be working on it's own more...
An woman walks into the butcher shop just before closing. She says, "Thank Heavens I've made it in time! Have you any chicken?" The butcher opens his fridge and takes out his only chicken, and plops it onto the scale. It weighs 2 1/2 pounds.
"Ah, haven't you anything bigger?" the woman inquires.
The butcher returns the chicken to the fridge, takes it out again, and plops it onto the scale, only this time, he keeps his thumb on the chicken. The scale shows 3 1/4 pounds.
"Marvelous!" says the woman. "I'll have both of them please."
Little John had a pet-chicken. He fed the chick each day and cared for her, but one day, to his shock, he found the chicken laying on her back, legs up high and mouth wide open. John ran to his father and asked him to come and take a look.
Dad came, glanced at the chicken, turned to his son and explained - "I'm sorry, Johnny, but your chicken has died. Look, how the legs are pointing up high to the sky, as if she was trying to get faster up to Heaven, to be with God!"
Next day, when dad came back from work, he found Johnny waiting for him. Before he could even get out of the car, Johnny was yelling: "Dad, dad! We almost lost our Mum today! I heard a noise and went to look for her and found her on her back on kitchen table!
And, dad, her legs were up, too, pointing to the sky as if she wanted to get there faster! And she was screaming 'Oh, God, I'm coming! Oh, God, I'm coming' and she kept on reapeating 'Yes! Yeees! Faster!'"
Then Johnny nodded and more...
Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight's special is chicken almondine and fresh fish."The chicken sounds good, I'll have that," Hillary says.The waiter nods: "And the vegetable?" he asks."Oh, HE'll have the fish." Hillary replies.