Child Jokes / Recent Jokes

Child: "Teacher! I can't find my boots!"
Teacher: "Are you sure?"
Child: "Yes! There is only one pair left, and it's not mine!"
Teacher:"Are you sure?"
Child:" Definitely! Mine had snow on them!"

Being a parent changes everything. But being a parent also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child is different from having your first. Your Clothes 1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible. 3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes. & Preparing for the Birth 1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously. 2nd baby: You don`t bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn`t do a thing. 3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month. & The Layette 1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn`s clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby`s little bureau. 2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains. 3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can`t they? & Worries 1st baby: At the first sign of distress - a whimper, a more...

You don't know Jack Schitt! When someone says "You don't know Jack Schitt", well, now you'll know the entire story.Jack Schitt was the only son of Owe Schitt and Awe Schitt. Owe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Awe Schitt, who later ran a country hotel.. The Kneedeep Inn.Jack Schitt eventually married Noe Schitt and together they produced six children.Sadly, their first child, Holy Schitt, passed away shortly after birth. Next came twin sons, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Then they had twin daughters, Fulla Schitt and Givva Schitt. Their last child was a son, Bull.As time went on, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. Deep Schitt's twin brother, Dip Schitt, married Lotta schitt, who gave birth to a son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Givva Schitt married the Happens brothers.The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg Schitt, Byrd Schitt and Hawse Schitt.Bull Schitt recently married a spicy Italian number, Pisa Schitt and together they await the birth of more...

You don't know Jack Schitt! When someone says "You don't know Jack Schitt", well, now you'll know the entire story. Jack Schitt was the only son of Owe Schitt and Awe Schitt. Owe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Awe Schitt, who later ran a country hotel.. The Kneedeep Inn. Jack Schitt eventually married Noe Schitt and together they produced six children. Sadly, their first child, Holy Schitt, passed away shortly after birth. Next came twin sons, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Then they had twin daughters, Fulla Schitt and Givva Schitt. Their last child was a son, Bull. As time went on, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. Deep Schitt's twin brother, Dip Schitt, married Lotta schitt, who gave birth to a son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Givva Schitt married the Happens brothers. The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg Schitt, Byrd Schitt and Hawse Schitt. Bull Schitt recently married a spicy Italian number, Pisa Schitt and together they await the birth more...

One day a Sardarji talking with his friend...
Sardarji: We have to learn Telugu within 6 months or we will not be able to communicate with my child.
Friend: Is it! Why?
Sardarji: We have adopted a telugu child and it will start to speak after 6 months.

Mike and his pregnant wife live on a farm in a rural area in the west of England. No running water, no electricity, etc. One night, Mikes' wife is begins to deliver the baby. The local doctor is there in attendance. "What d'ya want me to do, Doctor?" "Hold the lantern, Mike. Here it comes!" the doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see.

"Mike, you're the proud father of a fine strapping boy." "Saints be praised, I..." Before Mike can finish the Doctor interrupts, "Wait a minute. Hold the lantern, Mike." Soon the doctor delivers the next child. "You've a full set now, Mike. A beautiful baby daughter."

"Thanks be to..."
Again the Doctor cuts in, "Hold the lantern, Mike, Hold the lantern!" Soon the Doctor delivers a third child. The doctor holds up the baby for Mike's inspection.

"Doctor," asks Mike, "Do you think it's the light more...

There was a retarded duck farmer who had 2 sons, but only enough money to send one to college. So he came up with a fair way to choose who was to get the money. He called both of his sons into a room and gave them each a retarded duck and instructed them to go into the city. The one who made the most off the duck would win the money for college. Well the first child, being the good child he was, scurried off to sell his duck. As he was walking, he saw a lady mowing her lawn. She jumped up from the mower and screamed, "IS THAT A RETARDED DUCK?!?" It sure is he replyed, and its for sale too! She said that she collected retarded ducks and would gladly pay him $10 for that duck, he agreed. Well the other son being the "bad" kid went strait for the whore house. When he got there, a lady started hittin on him. He said he'd love to fuck her but he doesnt have any money, just this retarded duck. She thought about it for awhile and said, well I always did want a pet. So more...