Child Jokes / Recent Jokes

Reacting to Federal guidelines, the State of FLORIDA, which has been highlighted as a role model for student testing by the Bush Administration's Dept. of Education, has redesigned and just released a new comprehensive test to be given to all students beginning in the spring of the 2004-2005 school year.
In response to President Bush's Federal No Child Left Behind Act, students will have to pass it to be promoted to the next grade level.
In the hopes that it will be uniformly adopted by all the states, it will be called the Federal Arithmetic and Reading Test or (FART).
All students who cannot pass a FART in the second grade will be retested in grades 3, 4, and 5 until such a time as they are capable of achieving a FART score of 80%. If a student does not successfully FART by grade 5, that student shall be placed in a separate English program, the Special Mastery Elective for Learning Language (SMELL).
If with this increased SMELL program the student cannot pass the more...

Three men were flying in a plane, when they decided to drop stuff on the town they were flying over. One dropped a book, one dropped a brick, and one dropped a bomb, just for fun. They then landed, to survey the damage they caused. The first thing they saw was a small child, crying and holding a book. Then they saw another small child, crying and holding a brick. Then they saw a small child laughing his head off."What's so funny?" they asked him. "It was great," he said. "I farted and my neighbor's house blew up."

Two children are in a doctor's waiting room, and one of them is crying. "Why are you crying?" asked the other child.
"I'm here for a blood test, and they're going to cut my finger."
When he heard this, the other child started to cry.
"Why are you crying?"
"I'm here for a urine test."

"There is only one pretty child in the world and every parent has it." - Chinese Proverb.
A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school clothes.
The best inheritance parents can give their children is a few minutes of their time each day.

Why is it that if you give a child an encyclopedia, “lawyer” is always the third thing they look up?
Because the first thing a child looks up is “dog. ” The second is “snake. ” And under snake, the encyclopedia says “See Lawyer. ”

A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter.
Mother: “What does the cow say? ”
Child: “Moo! ”
Mother: “Great! What does the cat say? ”
Child: “Meow. ”
Mother: “Oh, you’re so smart! What does the frog say? ”
And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, “Bud. ”

The String And Octopus Guide To Parenthood by Colin BowlesPreparation for parenthood is not just a matter of reading books and decorating the nursery. Here are 12 simple tests for expectant parents to take to prepare themselves for the real-life experience of being a mother or father. 1. Women: to prepare for maternity, put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front. Leave it there for 9 months. After 9 months, take out 10% of the beans. Men: to prepare for paternity, go to the local pharmacy, tip the contents of your wallet on the counter, and tell the pharmacist to help himself. Then go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office. Go home. Pick up the paper. Read it for the last time. 2. Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels, and how they have allowed their children to run riot. Suggest more...