Chinese Jokes / Recent Jokes
Why is there no Disneyland in China? No one`s tall enough to go on the good rides.
Laundry Notes A woman sends her clothing out to the Chinese laundry. When it comes back there are still stains in her panties. So the next week she encloses a note to the Chinese man that says, "USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!" This goes on for several weeks, the woman sending the same note to the laundry. "USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!" Finally fed up the Chinese man responded with his own note that said, "USE MORE PAPER ON REAR END!!!"
How does a Chinese family decide the name for their newborn baby?
~~They throw a spoon down the stairs and listen to the sound(s)~~
Once An American, A Chinese And Santa Were Passing Through The Thar Desert In A Same Car. But In The Middle Of The Desert, Their Car Breaks Down. They Think Of Walking Through The Desert And Leave The Car Behind. American: I Will Take The Water Bottle. When I Get Thirsty, I Will Drink Water. Chinese: I Will Take The Seat. When I Get Tired, I Will Sit On It. Santa: I Will Take The Door Of The Car. When It Is Too Hot I Will Open The Window!!!
A Chinese man walks into a bar in America late one night and he sees
Steven Spielberg.
As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people
bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here."
The astonished Chinese man
replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese".
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese your all the same," replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese man gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."
Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It
was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
The Chinese man, replies,
"Iceberg, Spielberg, Carsberg, you're all the same."
The First Officer An airplane takes off from the airport. The captain is Jewish and the first officer is Chinese. It`s the first time they`ve flown together and it`s obvious by the silence that they don`t get along. After thirty minutes, the Jewish Captain speaks, "I don`t like Chinese." The First Officer replies, " Ooooh, no like Chinese? Why ees that?" The Captain says, "You bombed Pearl Harbor. That`s why I don`t like Chinese." The First Officer says, "Noooo, noooo.... Chinese not bomb Pearl Harbah. That Japanese, not Chinese." And the Captain answers, "Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese... it doesn`t matter, they`re all alike." Another thirty minutes of silence. Finally the First Officer says, "No like Jew." The Captain replies, "Why not? Why don`t you like Jews?" The First Officer says, "Jews sink Titanic." The Captain tries to correct him, "No, no. The Jews didn`t sink the Titanic. It was an more...
At the final dinner of an international conference, an American delegate turned to the Chinese delegate sitting next to him, pointed to the soup and asked somewhat condescendingly, "Likee soupee?". The Chinese gentlemen nodded eagerly.
A little later, it was "Likee fishee" and "Likee meatee" and "Likee fruitee" and always the response was an affable nod.
At the end of the dinner the chairman of the conference introduced the guest speaker of the evening - none other than the Chinese gentleman who delivered a penetrating, witty discourse in impeccable English, much to the astonishment of the American neighbor.
When the speech was over, the speaker turned to his neighbor and with a mischievous twinkle in this asked "Likee speechee?'