Chinese Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Chinese man walked into a pub in New York with his pal.
He says to his pal, "Hey! That's Jurassic Park Director, Steven Spielberg over there! God, I wish he'll come over to say hi".
Spielberg suddenly walked over and gave the man a heavy punch on the nose.
"Hey! What's that for?!"
"You bloody Japanese killed my granddad when you bombed Pearl Harbour!"
"I'm not Japanese! I'm Chinese!"
"Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese, you're all the same!"
Spielberg walks back.
The Chinese man calmly walks over and gives Spielberg a really heavy punch on the face.
"What... !?!"
"YOU BLOODY AMERICAN! YOU SANK THE TITANIC!"
"No, no, an iceberg sank the Titanic!"
"Iceberg, Carlsberg, Spielberg, you're all the same!"

My friend Ann and I were eating at a Chinese restaurant. When an elderly waiter set chopsticks at our places, Ann made a point of reaching into her purse and pulling out her own pair. "As an environmentalist," she declared, "I do not approve of destroying bamboo forests for throwaway utensils." The waiter inspected her chopsticks. "Very beautiful," he said politely. "Ivory."

What happens when a Chinese man gets a boner and runs into a wall?
He hits his nose.

How do Chinese name their kids? They throw pots and pans down the stairs *Ping, pong, pang* Did you hear about the Chinese girl who won the lottery? She has one fortunate cookie... What do you call a Filipino Contortionist A manila folder. What do you call a Filipino walking a poodle? A Gourmet How do you Filipino The same way you Pakistani. What's the difference between a pot of lobsters and a group of Japanese tourists who've just been run over by a steamroller? There's no difference, they're all crustaceans ("crushed Asians"). What's yellow and goes "cheep, cheep"? A Chinese prostitute. What do you get if you cross a Black whore with a Chinese? A maid that sucks your shirts. What do you get when you cross an Abo with a Chinaman? A car thief who can't drive. What do you call a fat Chinaman? A Chunk. What is the title of the new Vietnamese cookbook 100 Ways to Cook Your Dog What did the mongoloid say to his dog? Down syndrome!! What do a lobster and an Asian run more...

Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate
"Mother: Sikh.
Father: Sikh
Kid: Chinese."
"How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Sikh?" " Aah, Sardarji read a newspaper,
it says that every 4th person born on the Earth now is a Chinese."

A group of Jewish American Tourist are in London and on their itinary is listed a visit to Blooms Kosher Restaurant in Golders Green.
After being seated at the table they are served by a Chinese Waiter, who conducts the whole conversation in Yiddish.
After the meal and just before they are about to leave, they are confronted by the owner, Mr. Bloom, who asks them if they enjoyed the meal.
The leader of the group states that they were well satisfied by the food and service, but were amazed that the waiter only spoke in yiddish.
Mr. Bloom placed the index finger of his right hand to his lips and said "Shush, he thinks he's speaking in English"!!

Two pilots on a transatlantic flight got to talking. The Captain was Jewish, and the co-pilot was Chinese. It was their first flight together, and judging by the silence it was obvious that they didn't care for each other.
After half-an-hour, the Captain finally spoke. "I don't like Chinese," he said.
"Ooooh, no like Chinese? Why dat?" replied the co-pilot.
"You guys bombed Pearl Harbor. That's why I don't like Chinese," answered the Captain.
The co-pilot said, "Nooooo, noooo... Chinese no bomb Pearl Harbah. JAPANESE bomb Pearl Harbah."
The Captain replied, "Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese... it doesn't matter. You're all alike."
Another thirty minutes of silence ensued. Finally, the co-pilot said, "I no like Jew."
The Captain replied, "Why not? Why don't you like Jews?"
"Jews sink Titanic," answered the co-pilot.
The Captain attempted to correct him, "No, no. The more...