Chinese Jokes / Recent Jokes

China - Ah... Capitalism is alive and well in China as a southern Chinese hospital sells livers from executed prisoners to wealthy Asian transplant patients. A Hong Kong newspaper reported on Sunday that undercover reporters were urged to book a liver from a good young prisoner during the current spate of mass executions that precedes the Chinese New Year. Our experience tells us that there are many organs before the Lunar New Year, a doctor from the Sun Yat Sen University Hospital in Guangzhou told the South China Sunday Morning Post. If you miss this chance, you may have to wait until Labor Day. China has always insisted that donations are voluntary. But doctors from the hospital told the Post that consent was not required for criminals and most organs came from executed prisoners. The hospital, which subsequently denied the doctors comments, charges about 20, 000 pounds for a liver transplant.

Since history began, the Chinese always believed in the significance of one's name. They have developed a very comprehensive system of naming one's children as it is believed that the name of a person strongly influences one's destiny and fate.
Astrologers, fortune tellers, academics and monks are consulted when choosing a name for the new born. The other cultures, however do not really believe in it and tend to brush it off as superstition. Whether you believe it or not, however, the other cultures are not spared of this correlation.
For example, the Chinese surname LEE (Li) is associated with power and success such as Lee Kuan Yew, Lee Teng Hui (Taiwanese President), Li Peng (China's ex PM), Li Ka Shing (HK tycoon) and LEE Iacocca - once Chrysler's chief, Lee Van Cliff, the actor.
One very good example is Lee Iacocca, whose first name IACOCCA stands more...

The teacher turns to the class and says, "Today, we will use these three words in a sentence. Defense, detail, and defeat. Tom, why don't you go first?" Tom, a white kid, goes first. Tom says, "Ahh, the football team's defense was detailed in the paper which caused the defeat of the other team." (The narrator's tone is slang-American when saying this sentence.) The teacher turns to Chang, a Chinese boy, and says, "How about you Chang?" Chang says, (narrator uses a Chinese accent), "the Defense Department gave details of the defeat of the guerrillas." "That's very good Chang, now what about you, Bong-Bong?" says the teacher. "Use defense, detail, and defeat in a sentence." Bong-Bong, the Filipino boy, doesn't want to do it. (Accent of narrator becomes heavily influenced by Ilocano or Tagalog accent). "Ma'am, ay don't know how to use it," says Bong-Bong. "Come on, just try," says the teacher. "Okay, more...

There was once a very influential farmer in a remote part of China, who had a problem. His chickens were losing their feathers and dying. He sought the counsel of the two wise men in town, Hing, who was scientist, and Ming, who was a sorcerer.
Hing, who has had many advanced course hours in poultry science, consults the classic text in poultry disease, "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Diseases of Chickens, But Were Afraid to Ask." In the book, Hing finds a reference to the report of a study showing that feeding the chickens with an infusion of gum tree leaves is often a remedy for chickens losing their feathers. Meanwhile Ming reads obscure writings of ancient wise men, he meditates, and he reads tarot cards and examines the entrails of a pig. Getting no inspiration he uses his old standby, reading tea leaves. In a spark of discovery, it comes to him that an infusion of gum tree leaves is the cure.
So the two wise men report back to the influential Chinese more...

A tiny racing car was developed by American scientists.
The Americans then sent the car over to Japan to see what the Japanese
could do to better the car.
The Japanese added sport wheels and an aero kit to the car, they than sent
it to the U.K.
The British scientists, to better the car, added a sound system and window
tint. They then sent it over to the Chinese, who
added on a lowered suspension to the tiny car.
The Chinese then sent it over to India. The Indian scientists, looked at
the tiny car, appreciated all the modifications
the other countries had made,
turned it over and stamped a sign on it... MADE IN INDIA!!!

A tourist in San Francisco is walking around in Chinatown and sees a sign that says "Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry". Moishe Plotnik??? Where the heck does that come from???
So he walks in and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. He asks, "How did a place like this get a name like "Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry?"
The old man answers, "Is name of owner."
The tourist asks, "Well who and where is the owner?"
"Me right here," replies the old man.
"You? How did YOU get a name like Moishe Plotnik?"
"Is simple...Many year ago when come to this country, standing in line at Documentation Center. Man in front is Jewish gentleman from Poland. Lady look at him and go, "What's your name?" He say, "Moishe Plotnik." Then she look at me and go, "What your name?" I say, "Sem Ting...."

Once there was a fan maker in a Burmese village. Everyday, he sold out many fans to his villagers. The reason why his fans were so popular was because of the Chinese characters on his fans. One day, his close friend visited him and interviewed him. "Ko Toke, I heard that your fans are so popular here. Many people even called your fans as Chinese fans. Where did you buy and sell them back?". The fan maker said, "Well, I make them myself.". His friend amazed and asked "But you don't understand Chinese language. How could you write the Chinese character?". Then the old men replied, "O! it is not difficult. Sometimes, I go to the Chinese cemetery near our village and imitate some Chinese characters on the tombs.": )