Choice Jokes / Recent Jokes
Miley Cyrus performed a suggestive pole dance atop an ice cream cart during last night's Teen Choice Awards. It was her answer to "What would you do for a Klondike Bar?"
Joe was moderately successful in his career of choice, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by remarkably painful headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life began to suffer, he sought medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem.
The doctor said, "I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that I can cure your headaches, the bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was, of course, both shocked and depressed. He indeed wondered if he even had anything to live for at this point. Yet, he immediately decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital his mind was at long last clear, but naturally he felt like he more...
Bill Gates died and was greeted at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. "You have a choice. Take a look around here, then pop down to hell and see what Satan has to offer. Check both places out and then let me know your decision," said St. Peter.
Bill took a look around heaven and saw lots of somber people singing hymns and praising the Lord. He then took a look around hell and saw beautiful beaches, lots of sun, sand, cool drinks and gorgeous women.
He went back to give St. Peter his decision. "I realize you're doing some wonderful things here," he said, "but hell seems much more with it, more my kind of scene. No hard feelings, but I pick hell."
"No problem," said St. Peter, "you've got it."
Bill then found himself back in hell, neck deep in fire and brimstone, suffering eternal torment. Not being able to figure it out, he yelled up to St. Peter, "Hey, St. Peter, what happened to all the beautiful beaches, cool drinks more...
I like venison as much as the next guy...as long as the next guy isn't Bryan James Hathaway of Wisconsin. Brian is accused of having sex with a deer and impersonating Jimmy Fallon.
Hathaway's lawyer is trying to get his client off (okay, perhaps a poor choice of words) on the technicality that the deer was dead at the time. The Wisconsin statute prohibits "sexual gratification with an animal" but, the lawyer argues, "animal" implies that the creature must be a living organism.
I'm not quite sure how you roll out of bed and look at yourself in the mirror every day as a lawyer, anyway, but I have to think this wasn't what this guy planned on when he took the LSATs. Mom and Dad must be so proud.
The lawyer is attempting to plea bargain the charge down from "sexual gratifcation with an animal" to being "bat-shit crazy in the first degree."
Prosecutors are holding firm that any plea agreement must include a clause more...
After a two year study on America's recreational preferences, the following results were found:
1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is basketball.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling.
3. The sport of choice for blue-collar line workers is football.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is tennis.
6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is golf.
The conclusion of the study: The higher you rise in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
INTERESTING OBSERVATIONS WITH AN AMAZING CONCLUSION
1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING
3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.
and...
6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.
THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:
The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls
become.