Choir Jokes / Recent Jokes
These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie....
1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?(UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?(USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney- can Ifollow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.. .
4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.
5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise.(Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in more...
The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.
One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.
The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"
Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor.
After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit.
The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, "All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service."
{I heard this years ago - have no idea where it first came from}
The choir director selected the 6-year-old little boy with the sweetest
face for the opening scene of the play. "Now, all you have to do is,
when I direct the choir to sing '...and the angel lit the candle', you
come onstage and light all the candles."
"I can do it - I can do it!" the little boy said, excited to be the
one picked.
Rehearsals came and went, and finally the big night arrived. The choir was
in grand voice, the stage was beautifully decorated with dozens of unlit
candles all around, awaiting the moment when the cute littlest angel made
his interest.
The director gave the downbeat, the orchestra began to play, and the
choir swept into the introductory lines, ending with an expectant
"...and the angel lit the candle," and everyone looked stage right
for the entrance. No little boy. The director gave the downbeat
again, more...
These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie.
1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking
3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...
4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.
5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? more...
Two priests were talking together and the older one said to the younger, "You know, when you came into church with all your new ideas, I had questions about how you were going to fit in and how well your ideas were going to work."
"When you wanted to put bucket seats down in the front two rows of seats, I had my doubts. But now, at every mass, the seats are filled up with young people, so I have to agree that it was a good idea."
"Then, when you wanted to "jazz" up the choir and we started singing newer, peppier songs, I was afraid it would offend the parishioners. Now we have a lot of new, younger choir members and the music seems to pick up the services a lot more than the old music. So, once again I have to agree that you were right!"
"But when you wanted to put in the drive-through confessional, I have to admit I thought you'd lost it. But now, at least, there are more people coming to confession than ever. I think you've more...